This particular story, which is alleged to have really happened in 1588 (it’s the “Auvergne Werewolf” incident, if you feel inclined to look it up), has always struck me as probably containing a grain of truth because it’s a rather cunning way to get rid of an unwanted wife.<\/p>\n
—————<\/p>\n
so there’s this guy chillin’ at his window
\nand a friend of his walks by
\nand says yo
\ndamndest thing just happened<\/p>\n
and already things are suspect
\nbecause he is about to tell his friend
\nthat he was attacked by a wolf
\nand he does not run up, wild-eyed
\nand go HOLY SHIT I WAS JUST ATTACKED BY A WOLF
\nno
\nhe is really quite casual about the wolf-attackage
\nlike it’s just another tuesday
\nin this case I myself would consider moving
\nsomewhere less wolf-infested<\/p>\n
but anyway<\/p>\n
the friend continues his narrative
\nI was out hunting
\nand from out of nowhere this bigass wolf runs at me
\nsnarling and growling
\nwhich you must admit is more frightening than if it meowed
\nbut I digress<\/p>\n
so I shoot at this wolf
\nand the bullet just pings off its hide like it’s superman in a wolf suit
\nand it jumps on me
\nbut before it chows down I manage to pull my knife and cut off its paw
\nbecause somehow the wolf is impervious to bullets but not knives
\nsounds like somebody should get a refund at the wolf suit store<\/p>\n
then the wolf runs off and I stick its bleeding paw in my pocket
\nbecause I am a nobleman and don’t do my own laundry<\/p>\n
so the hunter pulls the paw out of his pocket to show his friend
\nbut instead of a paw it’s a woman’s hand
\nand not only does the friend just take it at face value
\nthat the paw turned into a hand in the hunter’s pocket
\ninstead of drawing the more logical conclusion
\nthat the hunter just straight up cut off a woman’s hand
\nand then made up some bullshit story about a wolf
\nor at least asking himself why the hunter didn’t notice
\na small wolf paw turning into a large human hand in his pocket
\nbecause I sure as hell would have
\nalso is that a wolf paw in your pocket or are you just glad to see me
\nis a much shittier pickup line<\/p>\n
anyway<\/p>\n
not only that
\nbut the friend immediately recognizes the ring on the hand
\nas belonging to his wife
\nhow is that for an utterly stunning and not at all expected coincidence<\/p>\n
and at this point the story says that this discovery
\nmade him begin to suspect some evil of her
\nwhich I believe sweeps the No Duh awards<\/p>\n
also I would like to know more about this ring
\nbecause either it was present on the wolf’s paw
\nwhich means the hunter did not notice that the wolf was wearing a ring
\nand that frankly seems like something that would be hard to overlook
\nor it magically transformed along with the hand
\nwhich opens a whole other can of sartorial worms
\nin regards to werewolf transformations and where their clothes go
\nbut I digress<\/p>\n
anyway<\/p>\n
they go looking for his wife
\nand find her sitting in the kitchen acting casual
\nwith her arm hidden under her apron
\nlooking not the least bit suspicious
\nand when her husband asks to see her hand she says naw I’m good
\nso he tears off her apron
\nand there’s a bloody stump where her hand should be
\nDUN DUN DUN<\/p>\n
and since she doesn’t have a good explanation for her missing hand
\nlike maybe the cat ran off with it
\nor an alligator bit it off
\nor some jackass with a knife cut it off and put it in his pocket
\nthe men immediately conclude that she was the wolf in the woods
\nand turn her over to the authorities
\nwho ALSO immediately conclude the same thing
\nand tell due process to go fuck itself
\nand burn her at the stake<\/p>\n
the moral to this story is
\nbeing a woman in the 16th century sucked ass<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This particular story, which is alleged to have really happened in 1588 (it’s the “Auvergne Werewolf” incident, if you feel inclined to look it up), has always struck me as probably containing a grain of truth because it’s a rather cunning way to get rid of an unwanted wife. ————— so there’s this guy chillin’ […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-peculiar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12783"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12882,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12783\/revisions\/12882"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}