so today’s story of love and revenge comes from Japan
\nand I do not know why the Japanese are not
\nthe most pacifistic people on earth
\nbecause if I were them I would be too afraid of creating a ghost
\nto indulge in anything more violent than contract bridge
\nJapanese ghosts do not mess around with cold drafts and creaking hinges
\nJapanese ghosts will personally fuck. you. up.
\nJapanese mythology is like six flags over psychosis
\nand their ghosts are the ultra twister<\/p>\n
but I digress<\/p>\n
so there’s this poor samurai named Iemon
\nand that is poor in the insolvent sense
\nnot the feel-sorry-for-him sense
\nbecause he is a rat bastard
\nas exemplified in the beginning of this story
\nwhere he wants to marry a beautiful woman named Oiwa
\nand her father says he isn’t good enough for his daughter
\nso instead of trying to prove himself worthy
\nIemon just straight up whips out his sword and kills him
\nwhich I would say justifies his belief
\nthat he wasn’t good enough for his daughter<\/p>\n
and then Iemon adds insult to injury
\nby promising Oiwa he’ll help find her father’s killer<\/p>\n
I’m assuming she was out of the room at the time of the murder
\nalthough I guess she could just be supremely unobservant<\/p>\n
so Iemon marries Oiwa
\nand somehow fails to find her father’s killer
\nand after a while
\nhe decides that looks aren’t everything
\nmaking this decision specifically
\nupon meeting a rich woman named Oume
\nwhose grandfather says could totally marry Iemon
\nthus sparing himself a nasty case of decapitation
\nexcept there’s the pesky problem
\nof Iemon already being married<\/p>\n
so Iemon gallantly decides
\nto spare Oiwa the stress of divorce
\nby poisoning her instead
\nand the poison disfigures her
\nbut does not kill her
\nso Iemon pretends that he’s happy she’s alive
\nand then takes her for a walk
\nand pushes her off a cliff
\nsee that part up above about his general rat bastardry<\/p>\n
fast forward to the night before Iemon and Oume’s wedding
\nwhere Oiwa pulls a Jacob Marley
\nand her disfigured face shows up as part of Iemon’s lantern
\nand she yells “Betrayal!”
\nand the story says that Iemon brushes this off
\nwhich I think you will agree
\nis a surprising reaction
\nto a shouting-dead-disfigured-wife lantern<\/p>\n
but I digress<\/p>\n
and also Iemon is less brush-offy the next day
\nat his wedding
\nwhen he lifts Oume’s veil
\nand instead there’s the disfigured face of Oiwa
\nDUN DUN DUN
\nand she shrieks “Betrayal!” again
\nand this time Iemon unsheathes his sword
\nand beheads her
\nand of course it’s Oume’s head that bounces down the aisle<\/p>\n
worst wedding EVER<\/p>\n
so he runs out of the hall
\nand hides in the shack where he lived with Oiwa
\nwhich if you have ever seen a horror movie in your life
\nyou will know that this is the worst place
\nhe could possibly hide
\nnarrowly edging out
\nbig dave’s serial killer supply emporium<\/p>\n
so there’s a knock on the door
\nand for some reason Iemon is surprised
\nwhen he opens the door and Oiwa is standing there
\nall disfigured and betrayal-y
\nso he draws his sword
\nand beheads the ghost
\nbecause that has worked so well thus far
\nand then sees that he has just killed Oume’s grandfather
\noops<\/p>\n
so he runs to the cliff where he shoved Oiwa to her doom
\nhas he NEVER seen a horror movie
\nand hears ghostly laughter
\nand almost jumps
\nbut then changes his mind
\nand then Oiwa appears and pushes him off the cliff
\nwhich is nicely symmetrical at least<\/p>\n
the moral of this story is to not murder people in Japan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
so today’s story of love and revenge comes from Japan and I do not know why the Japanese are not the most pacifistic people on earth because if I were them I would be too afraid of creating a ghost to indulge in anything more violent than contract bridge Japanese ghosts do not mess around […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13660","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-peculiar"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13660","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13660"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13660\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14237,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13660\/revisions\/14237"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shadowmanor.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}