The Art of Darkness

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May 28th, 2014 by Cobwebs

My new makeup guarantees to make you more beautiful in seconds. It utilizes paper bag technology.

A cool curse would be if every time your enemy threw something, it hit and killed an eagle.

I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)

Google Earth your house.
See the blue baseball hat in your front bushes?

Before somebody visits me, I put a note in my pocket confirming a) it was them who murdered me, and b) why they did it. Just in case.

Don’t think of it as a cubicle. Think of it as a starter coffin.

“So what if Sharona WAS Jessie’s Girl? Oh, and dead the whole time.” – M. Night Shyamalan, pitching his 80’s rock opera

Wolves howling in a thunder storm are actually just laughing at how scared your dog is.

For my niece’s 7th birthday, I’m filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I’m gonna yell “Oh God! She was pregnant!”

As FDR famously said “The only thing we have to fear are the spiderpeople among us. Their disguises are really good.”

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