Live each day as if it were your last, ’cause I’m gonna kill you but I’m not super-good w/schedules
— josswhedon

[Dog Restaurant]
“Is the Book Report any good?”
Yes, Sir.
“How’s it prepared?”
A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it.
“Ooh, I’ll have that.”
— OtherDanOBrien

I’m not saying you’re easy…
But it takes Tim Burton more effort to get Johnny Depp in a movie of his.
— revious

missed connection:
I walked by you carrying a cage full of bats in birthday hats. You pretended not to see us. What is your home address,
— audipenny

I’d actually be more offended if I got to hell and there WEREN’T a special place for me there.
— TravLeBlanc

All of the creepy ghosts in my house live in the 5 yards of hallway between my bathroom to my bedroom.
— DanaSchwartzzz

A friend borrowed my Sandman books to read during chemo. My ankh-wearing, goth daughter offered to retrieve them. Bad idea? @neilhimself
— stjimtownsend

I’ve always wondered. When retailers say “PRODUCT X AT UNHEARD OF PRICES!”, do they make up an entirely new number system? Or just not talk?
“I WILL SELL THIS SUIT TO YOU AT FRUMTHRUBBLE STERBILJOTES, MY GOOD SIR!”
“…”
“FINE, HERFNURT STERBILJOTES. A HARD BARGAIN INDEED.”
— ChrisWarcraft

No thanks Ouija boards, I don’t even want to talk to the living.
— Lerky

I want to see a Miyazaki Hentai – like, there’s tentacles, but they’re respectful and just do chores. #honor
— josswhedon