dracula: you gotta stop man
me: [turning another vegan into a vampire] lol but they get SO mad
— Skoog

[first day as a scarecrow]
me: psssst
crow: what
me: over 200,000 acres of rainforest are burned everyday
crow: HOLY SHIT
— TweetPotato314

This is my first rodeo. What kind of animal is that. Who’s that guy in the barrel. What’s up with the timer. What the fuck is going on here.
— ClueHeywood

Virtual meetings are basically modern seances.
“Elizabeth are you here?”
“Make a sound if you can hear us.”
“Is anyone else with you?”
“We can’t see you, can you hear us?”
— McClellandShane

pick your battles. pick… pick fewer battles than that. put some battles back. that’s too many
— thequeerwithoutfear

HIRING MANAGER: have you ever been arrested or charged with a crime?
ME: yes, one count of possession
HIRING MANAGER: of firearms, or controlled substances?
ME: *eyes glowing red, head slowly rotating 360 degrees on my neck* no
— jelenawoehr

You ever think about the kind of guy who makes a cursed amulet? Like, “ooh hoo hoo, whoever puts this on is gonna have a nasty surprise!” Get a real hobby.
— maxknightley

The single most important thing a man can do to be an ally is give his woman friends permission to give dudes at the bar his number so when they call he can angrily say that’s not funny because she died 15 years ago that very night
— BudrykZack

will literally never get over the existence of the donner party memorial picnic area
— xtraterrestrials

saying “so when’s the baby??” at a wedding:
• rude
• invasive

yelling “I AM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS, THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS”:
• unexpected
• you get to wear a cloak
• strike fear into the heart of Prince Humperdinck

— SketchesbyBoze

The Selling – Horror comedy about a real estate agent trying to sell a haunted house. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Mary Wollstonecraft seeing her statue for the first time – Susan Harrison sums it up for everybody.

Terrifying Aliens – Cool SFIA video about aliens who are somewhat less benign than E.T. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Happy – A new song by Danny Elfman. (Warning: There are flashing lights in the video.)

Five Amazing But Sadly Forgotten Animated Halloween Specials! – I remember watching a nonzero number of these, but even I somehow missed the Scrabble one. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Knit a Jackalope – It’d be easy enough to add wings if you wanted a Wolpertinger instead.

Naples’ Cult of the Souls of Purgatory – Neat Atlas Obscura piece about the Cemetery delle Fontanelle. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

1 like = 1 British candy Amusing Twitter thread.

Victorian Farm – MeFi thread about the BBC series Victorian Farm and several similar documentaries about modern people living as though they were in some past historical period, using only the technology and materials which would have been available at the time. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Animal X-rays – The Oregon Zoo did a fun thread of the spooky scary skeletons that live inside some of their animals. Looking at a beaver’s tail, you just know that a lot of dinosaur reconstructions are wrong.