The Art of Darkness

A Post of Very Dubious Interest

January 28th, 2012 by Cobwebs

So I was tagged in one of those “if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be” posts by Pensive Pumpkin, and although I generally decline to participate in those she threatened to grovel. The last thing I need is a groveling pumpkin. So here’s an extra Saturday post. Whee.

(I would, incidentally, be the kind of tree that drops heavy branches on Barbara Walters.)


1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 random things about me:

I met my husband in a science fiction chat room on AOL. Since I’m a huge computer geek I’m almost embarrassed to mention that I ever had anything to do with AOL, but in the early 90s they were one of the only games in town. Anyway, yeah; we were on opposite coasts at the time so I knew him for over a year before I ever laid eyes on him.

I do not collect anything, and in fact have made a conscious effort not to. I don’t like things that don’t have any purpose other than to be decorative, and I particularly don’t like them if I also have to dust them.

My favorite birds are hummingbirds. They buzz around and menace you when you’re in their territory. I love being menaced by something two inches long. Makes me feel like Godzilla when the helicopters come.

When I tell people that my son’s name is Rhett, they assume that I’m a whackaloon-level Gone with the Wind fan. In fact I have neither seen the movie nor read the book, and at this point I’m sort of bound by honor not to.

I was Disneyland’s very first Webmaster. Working for The Mouse is nothing like you probably expect it to be.

My current pets include the three dumbest dogs in the tri-state area and a large and irascible Bearded Dragon. (Also a hive of bees, but they’re not very cuddly.) Someday I would like to keep a few chickens and a dairy goat, but I will probably wind up divorced if I obtain either of those right now. So, thwarted, I wait.

When I was little I wanted to grow up to be a Forensic Pathologist.

I hate unhappy endings in books, to the point where I routinely read the ending before I read the rest of the book to see if I want to invest my time in it. This drives my husband insane.

I have donated over 30 gallons of blood, one pint at a time.

The musical instrument I learned to play as a child? At my parents’ insistence? The accordion. Yeah, that’ll get you a lot of dates.

As part of a project in college, I prepared and ate a variety of insects. Dry-roasted mealworms taste exactly–I mean exactly–like Doritos. If this doesn’t concern you, it probably should.

Pensive’s questions for her tag-ees:

1. Who is your favorite superhero?

Batman. Other superheroes, whether they’re born that way (Superman, Wonder Woman) or have superherodom thrust upon them (Spiderman, Elastic Man), have some special innate power. Batman is just a guy with cool gadgets. I also have to declare a strong preference for Golden Age Batman over the current incarnation, who is just So Damn Tortured. (And I prefer Superman when he was visiting Bizarro Earth and growing six eyes from exposure to Red Kryptonite.)

2. What is your favorite of all your awesome body parts?

I’m afraid that all of my body parts are mediocre at best.

3. How many careers have you gone through so far?

Jobs, or careers? I’ve pretty much always just had the one career; I started out in Web development, and there I’ve stayed. I’ve never had any interesting jobs like chicken plucker or carnival barker or anything.

4. What was your latest Halloween costume?

The last costume I made was Cthulhu, for Shadowboy (who gets a custom costume every year). My Halloween costume last year was Tired Mom; goth reputation or not, sometimes the prospect of schlepping around the neighborhood in six layers of velvet sounds entirely too much like work.

5. If you have the time and energy to cook anything you want, what do you cook?

I would probably tackle something labor-intensive like from-scratch mole or several different types of dim sum.

6. If you could wake up in someone else’s body for the day, who would you be?

I have barely gotten the hang of being in my own body, and you want me to try being somebody else? Let’s see…I suppose I’d choose a man; I’ve always wanted to be able to write my name in the snow. It’d be fun to be somebody important, because then you could play pranks (like, be Jesus for a day: “Hey, Luke, write this down: Whosoever wants to enter the Kingdom of Heaven…should always carry around a rubber chicken.”) I’m assuming you’re allowed to be somebody from any historical period…oh, wait–there also doesn’t seem to be any limitation on whether they’re real people. I want to be the Tenth Doctor.

7. What would you do as that person? (easy two parter- score!)

There would be some serious research into historical mysteries, baby. How were the pyramids actually built? Who was Jack the Ripper? What did Anomalocaris really look like? That TARDIS and I would go places.

8. What is your favorite book?

I couldn’t possibly choose just one. Sorry. (My favorite “mainstream” novel is To Kill a Mockingbird, if that helps.)

9. You win one of those around the world plane tickets- where do you go first?

The country closest to my present location. If I’m going to go around the world anyway, I might as well do it sequentially.

10. What is your biggest struggle?

Let’s just say that I know exactly where Sartre was coming from when he said “Hell is other people.” There’s a reason I’m in a profession that involves sitting quietly by oneself all day.

11. What is your biggest goal in life?

To raise a couple of smart, happy kids. Which may be a very boring goal, but I don’t care.

As for tagging others; sorry, no can do. I’m willing to go along with the gag as far as replying if I’ve been tagged, but I don’t forward chain letters and I don’t tag other people in posts. If you want to play along, here are 11 questions for you (I’ll be happy to read other people’s answers, either in the comments or on their own blog, I just don’t want to be responsible for anybody’s question-answering angst):

  1. What is your favorite candy?
  2. What is your least favorite vegetable?
  3. Do you play a musical instrument?
  4. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
  5. What’s under your bed?
  6. If you could publish one book, what would it be about?
  7. Do you believe in ghosts?
  8. What’s on your mouse pad?
  9. What are you currently reading?
  10. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?
  11. What’s your all-time favorite TV show?

We now return you to your normal goth-oriented blog.

Posted in Whatever | 8 Comments »

8 Responses

  1. pensive Says:

    I totally thought the dog ate your homework on this one. It hurts, I know, but I appreciate it. Really.

    And as penance, I will answer all your questions on my blog next week.

    Once again, you rock. And hell really is other people/pumpkins.

  2. xJane Says:

    Thank you, pensive, this was a very fun glimpse into the World of Caretaker (that phrase should be read in the voice of “…in SPACE!”).

    Because it pleases me:

    1. Licorice-Mint Mentos.
    2. Brussels Sprouts, but only because they used to be my favorite.
    3. Yes.
    4. Yes.
    5. Probably a cat, since I can only see one right now…
    6. If you could publish one book, what would it be about?
    7. It depends. Right now, in the daylight: of course not, p’shaw! I say. At night, home alone, with the wind howling, definitely.
    8. I use a trackball ever since my wrist started hating me. But I do have a soft spot on my head in my heart for those Persian rug mouse pads.
    9. Just My Type: a Book About Fonts by Simon Garfield, a Christmas gift from someone who knows me way too well.
    10. House counsel for Apple.
    11. Square One Television…or maybe ST:TNG.

  3. xJane Says:

    Oops! I forgot to post an answer to #6 because I was going to go back to it. I don’t really have an answer. Maybe Steampunk Defined or Not for the Font of Hearted: How to Use Fonts in Everyday Life.

    Fun game: answer Caretaker’s questions and then go back and read your answers as though they’re answering pensive’s questions. My favorite is #5.

  4. WitchArachne Says:

    Alrighty, done :)

  5. Melissa Says:

    I played along :)

  6. pensive Says:

    Here ya go!

  7. pensive Says:

    xjane- have you seen the Body Type books? I LURVE those books. Nothing but word tattoos. Font nerds unite!

  8. Kaitlin Michelle Says:

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