All humans born in the future already exist, it’s just that the matter they’re made from is dispersed.
— xeLnitraM

There are different versions of you living within the minds of others. I wonder how different they all are.
— doubledoorsd4

how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit
— dajo42

Guy in heaven: Impossible, I died in 1890
Me: But I’m SURE I know you
G: ……Fine.*sigh* I’m told I’m in something called the “Cheers credits”
— KenJennings

Since bat wings are just skin stretched between elongated finger bones, bats fly through the power of jazz hands.
— thatmeddlingkid7

vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special
— glassraptor

My doctor won’t go away. I know what you’re thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.
— TheToddWilliams

“I’ll take movies for $500 Alex”
Tim Burton directed this dark tale starring Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter
“You gotta be kidding me”
— SteveSuckington

My imaginary friend has a real friend.
— Elijah6053

[in this tweet I’m the janitor who works in the nightclub from the beginning of the movie Blade, arriving to work]: oh god dammit
— iscoff