Someone: Raising a family is hard
Necromancer: Not if they’re buried close enough to each other
Someone: What?
Necromancer: What?
— king-nerdlord

The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
— 3sunzzz

The only reason I shop at consignment shops is I like wearing haunted dead people pants.
— bourgeoisalien

Goodnight, sleep tight, let the bedbugs bite.
“You mean don’t let the bedbugs bite, Dad.”
The bugs must feed on you, son. A debt is owed.
— living_marble

Every time you use glitter glue, remember that it used to be a My Little Pony
— meganamram

Work emails get way more eldritch when you read I.T. as IT.
IT IS AWARE OF THE PROBLEM
IT HAS ISSUED A TICKET
IT IS WAITING AT YOUR DESK
— emilyhughes

No matter the situation the expression ” I’m dying. ” is always the truth.
— shwr_thoughts

Feminist construction workers aren’t any better. They subjectify women as we walk by. “You’re beautiful on the inside!” they scream at me.
— TheWoodenslurpy

It’s amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.
— TheAlexNevil

Goodnight. Dream safely. As long as you don’t dream about the Door in the Fog you’ll be just fine. Maybe dream about bunnies. Sleep well.
— neilhimself