The first guy to hear a parrot talk probably was not okay for a few days #Showerthoughts
— rShowerThoughts

What are skeletons? Nobody knows. What we do know is they burrow into coffins, eat the body inside, and use the now empty coffin as a shell
— egg_dog

I feel bad for these RPG monsters. All those years it took to grow so large! How are we altering the ecosystem when we remove the megafauna?
— danctheduck

Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, “I’m GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!”
— LizHackett

Every time I see a chameleon, I assume they’re on break.
— JerryThomas

A SPIDER CRAWLED ON MY HAND & WHEN I SHOOK IT OFF IT LANDED IN AN OPEN BAG OF COOL RANCH DORITOS
DO I BURN IT OR DID I INVENT A NEW FLAVOR
— melgillman

you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie.
— kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd

BRAM STOKER: I wrote this 64-page story about a vampire
EDITOR: It’s good but can you add 300 pages of vampire hunters tracking a shipment
— herealeatwood

The worst part about dinosaurs being extinct is that some of them probably tasted awesome. We’re missing an entire category of meat.
— rShowerThoughts

Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web
Any size
Catches thieves
Eats those guys
Hey wait
Don’t do that Spider-Man
— normwilner