Sigh. You know, it’s nice that this bad guy is female! That’s great! But does it have to be a Oh Woe My Lost Child plotline? I am fully capable of being evil for power as much as the next dude!
My grandmothers marched in the streets for the right of women to be banal villains with non-maternal storylines! MAYBE I JUST WANT TO YELL MUAHAHA AND PET MY TAME HYENA, DID YOU THINK OF THAT?!
— UrsulaV

you’re on the beach passing by one of those airbrush t shirt kiosks that have a million unlicensed characters on them but you see one with your exact face and name on it and he won’t sell it to you
— letshearitforthisclown

An app that matches you with someone else who just saw a specific movie from 6 years ago and also needs to talk about it.
— McJesse

Horror is an advent calendar. So many windows through which to gaze into the same abyss.
— NamelessNorbert

My son 🙋🏽‍♂️ was SO cute today, he asked me “dad are clouds candy?” 😍 I told him they were water. 💦 Then he asked “dad, what’s Earth’s defense system?” and then I remembered I don’t have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black “what is the defense system father”
— OmarNajam

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: if you truly want to be happy, haunt an old Victorian house on top of an eerie hill.
— DothTheDoth

intelligence is knowing Frankenstein wasn’t the monster.
wisdom is knowing Frankenstein WAS the monster.
— Dave_Cochran

WELCOME TO DREAD DENNY’S. TODAY ONLY WE WILL SLATHER A FAMILY MEMBER OF YOUR CHOOSING IN BATTER AND FEED THEM INTO THE RAVENOUS MAW OF OUR CUSTOMERS’ GLUTTONY. SCREAM THE SECRET NAME OF THE HAM OMELETTE AND BE SPARED.
— PostCultRev

Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
— simoncholland

“Dad, why do Santa’s deer have bells?”
“Remember how we put the bell on the cat because he kept eating birds?”
“Yeah?”
“That. But kids.”
— ASmallFiction