If I were a wizard, I’d have some amazing curses to put on people
like cursing them to say “you too” every time a server says to enjoy your meal
or to remember something embarrassing they did in high school right before they fall asleep
— SamSykesSwears

“are you a wine mom or a vodka aunt”
I’m an absinthe dowager
— spookperson

We got used to re-animated skeletons. They’re just another minority among many. Here’s one now, looking at lipsticks. My department. “Can I help you-”
It tenses, waiting to see how I address it. Well, I’m no osteopath. Best not assume.
“Honoured One?”
It grins.
— MicroSFF

DEVIL: You shall stay forever young, but this picture of you will bear the marks of your sin!
DORIAN: Can I hide it?
DEVIL: Well, yes, but—
DORIAN: And there are no other consequences?
DEVIL: This… This picture will become so foul!
DORIAN: Again, probably I’ll hide the picture.
— aedison

My cask of amontillado brings all the boys to the catacombs
And they’re like, you’re entombing us alive
Damn right, I’m entombing you alive
I could free you
But I’m entombing you alive
— living_marble

Things My Dog Does Not Understand About Cats
-why do they vibrate it’s weird
-they are very sharp
-they don’t like dog nose in their butts
-Very Sharp
-is that a good noise or a bad noise? o it’s a bad noise
-VERY SHARP
-change minds easily. it’s ok THEN NOT OK
-S H A R P
— ellle_em

Ok, so playing this game is making me think that I really want a game where you play as the Gruff Mentor Figure. Because I identify with them way more than I do the teenage Chosen One.

“Your Chosen One needs to kill monsters. Go catch a monster and wound it and bring it home like a cat with a mouse so your teenager learns to fight monsters.”

“Your Chosen One has been kidnapped. Yes, again. Go break them out.”

“Your Chosen One has questions about her past. Choose from various grim/cryptic dialogue options.”

— UrsulaV

Do you guys still have your baby eyeballs from when they fell out?
I traded mine (like a total chump) for a quarter each from the Eyeballs Fairy…
— batkaren

You have to have a soul in order to have a soulmate.
I don’t make the rules.
— AsgardianRose

ladies, i hope you’re all getting your summer body ready!
Now is the perfect time to shed your unwanted flesh and slither into your new human host, allowing 1 to 2 months for their fragile skin to better fit with ease over your hidden monster form.
— _ElizabethMay