The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

October 16th, 2018 by Cobwebs

The reason sex with a vampire doesn’t usually result in pregnancy isn’t because their sperm is dead, it’s because the vampire can’t come inside without an invitation.

Thank you for coming to my HaunTED Talk.


“I’m lonely,” she said, “do you have a potion for making friends?”
“Sure. Drink this,” the witch said.
“Yep. What’s on your mind?”

I notice Autumn is more the season of the soul than of nature.
— Friedrich Nietzsche

A vampire bat’s stomach quickly absorbs all the water out of the blood it drinks, and they pee while feeding to offload it. So. That fog people associate with vampires is probably pee mist. Or they carry a change of pants.

It’s the zombie apocalypse!

Most people are working on taking out zombies, finding shelter or escaping the city, but not your party.

You’ve got a bunch of spray-cans and it is your duty to spray ominious, cryptic graffiti everywhere to make sure that the ruins fully fit the genre.


hey, I just met Zeus
and this is crazy
but he’s a swan and
I’m having babies

dr frankenstein: it’s alive
dr frankenstein: speak
monster: am i the product of peer reviewed research
dr frankenstein: uh
monster: do you have the paperwork with the sources of all my body parts
dr frankenstein: well no
monster: good god this lab is pile of osha violations

It’s an open secret that all archaeologists, librarians, curators, book dealers and archivists are secret agents. When we say “out of the office”, we mean “screaming GIVE ME THE OTHER HALF OF THE AMULET to a rival whilst battling with them on the edge of a waterfall”

if you’re ever feeling alone just remember that aladdin’s best friends were a monkey and a rug

Potential pantheon of old ones for our D&D campaign, as named by the resident creepy child NPC:
Mr. Watches You In The Corner
Old Lady Spiders Inside
The Lumpy One
Nobody Is There
Just, Like, A Cat
The Fish With No Eyes
Forever Screaming With A Candle
Sharp Teddy
Mother Squish

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1. Pixel Pixie Says:

    Monkey as a best friend doesn’t sound so bad. I’m currently trapped by my Feline Overlords.

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