An app like Tinder except instead of matching with living people, you match with ghosts that want your help to solve the mystery around how they died.
— roxiqt

Showing Marie Kondo my apartment, which is filled with swords. “This kicks ass,” she says. “Don’t throw anything out”
— ShariaUncle

About to slouch towards Bethlehem anyone need anything?
— redsarahead4

early humans: hey ive invented a thing called a barn
barn owls: thank fuck
— egg_dog

I see your Christmas in July and raise you Halloween in ALWAYS.
— Kendragarden

Girls with Ouija board: omg ok does Josh have a crush on Katie
Me, the spirit of a Medieval serf: man I don’t fuckin know. Sure
— jil_slander

…and the babysitter said, “I’ve put the kids to bed, but that clown statue is freaking me out.”
“Oh my god!”, said the father, “Get out of the house as fast as you can!”
“What?!”, cried the babysitter
“Take the clown statue and get out of the house! WE DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS!!”
— Brainmage

After 4 months of social distancing I feel like Jack in The Shining could have kept it together a little better. He had THREE people to talk to and a HUGE HOUSE with LOTS OF GHOST FRIENDS.
— JenAshleyWright

The year was 1989 and America fell in love with Ariel, the half-animal girl who collects garbage.
— kibblesmith

[pumpkin patch]
Cinderella: how many miles on this one?
Farmer: please stop kicking them
— PleaseBeGneiss