My wife is listening to Katy Perry so I’m heading to Rivendell to see if the elves know what to do about this wedding ring.
— sween

I’m waiting for someone to make a t-shirt that says, “Team Bestiality or Team Necrophilia?” Get it done, people. I need this!
— bedheadblonde

Instead of downloading WebMD for the iPad, I taped a piece of paper to the screen and scrawled “IT’S CANCER” on it.
— phyllisstein

If you think commas don’t matter, try asking the girl for whom “Come On, Eileen” was written.
— goldengateblond

If you’re wearing clean socks and you don’t have hooks for hands then I’ve succeeded as a mother.
— The Bloggess

I downloaded the Friday The 13th ch ch ch ah ah ah to my iPod to listen to while I did my trail run tonight. I beat my best time. By a lot.
— AngelaHelga