The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

October 26th, 2011 by Cobwebs

You’ve never had fun until you’ve jerked around and screamed, “It’s got me! It’s got me!” while checking your blood pressure at Wal-Mart.

If I had three wishes, I’d first wish that my dog pooped candy corn. The other two wishes would be kind of irrelevant after that.

If aliens invade earth, I hope they’re Bacon people. Because then I could totally save humankind.

Anything related to Halloween doesn’t scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else’s toilet and the water keeps rising.

Disney’s greatest crime is convincing people that Dalmatians shouldn’t be turned into coats.

BORED? Smile, nod and rub hands together as you enter an elevator. Shout, “THIS IS IT!” Don’t turn around to face the door. Not illegal.

My son says he has trouble sleeping through the night for no good reason. So I bought him an evil clown doll.

In a perfect world a “Party Pooper” would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt.

Me: I’m excellent at my job. You’re lucky to have me. Boss: Why are you waving your hand? Me: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

Imagine a child, playing with chicken bones after the family meal, absorbed in his task. The pattern made by the neatly laid-out bones looks a bit familiar, but you can’t place it. So you ask, “What’s that you’re making there?”

The child looks at you and says, in a calm, quiet voice, “It’s me.”

Speaking for myself, at that point I go online and check to see if Amazon delivers exorcisms.
Underwire, on the Kraken thing

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