Doing my laundry in a dark suburban basement. With my sexual history, Michael Myers and Jason are flipping a coin.
— AinsleyofAttack

I just read a list of ‘the 100 things to do before you die’. I’m pretty surprised ‘yell for help’ wasn’t one of them.
— has2b_christyv

In the guy from You’re So Vain’s defense, that song is about him.
— thesulk

I think the worst kind of ghost would be a barbershop quartet.
— badbanana

I bet if Jimmy cracked skulls you’d care.
— Xytrex

Cows are ultimately unknowable. If you fell in love with a cow, the lack of emotional feedback would slowly drive you mad. You’d never know whether your feelings were reciprocated. You’d know if the cow thought it was going to rain, because it’d lie down. But you’d never know if its heart skipped a beat when you whispered its name. That is the tragedy of human-cow romances. That and the locals beating you to death with hoes.
— Charlie Brooker

The voices in my head that tell me to kill are making a lot of sense today.
— derekasaurus