The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

July 27th, 2011 by Cobwebs

Once you understand that your success doesn’t depend upon the failure of others you’ll become less of an asshole.

Mowing would be more fun if grass screamed a little.

My favourite part of a restaurant visit is when the waiter comes over with the peppermill like it was found in the Ark of the Covenant.

If one pig would just get off his lazy ass and attempt to fly, a lot of people would have to do some really embarassing stuff.

They never talk about the bad stuff in an obituary. Like “Devoted husband and father. Loved to laugh. Stabbed a guy once.”

Japan also has Amish people; they drive around in cars instead of teleporting in giant robots.

“What? Why am I a part of this?” – the horse you rode in on

Ghosts probably roll their eyes a lot.

In a coffee shop, surrounded by hipsters. Don’t worry, if they capture me I won’t tell them where we keep the shampoo.

All those punk rock girls who started ironically knitting in the 90s are now just ladies who knit.

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