I’m not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there’s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
— Lisa_Laughs_

Huge bumblebee is following me in the park, causing me to think at some point in my past things were so bad I borrowed money from insects
— fmarciuliano

So frustrating. Every time I look up the definition of insanity it just says the same thing.
— aedison

Pink hair. Spike through the bridge of your nose. Ferret on a leash. Choose one, guy in the park. All three and your parents win by default.
— AinsleyofAttack

If you call them your “unmentionables”, I assume you have an elder god in your pants.
— sween

Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they’re stabbing it? No? How about now?
— Aspersioncast

“So what happens when Bilbo Baggins dies?” “He gets a Hobbituary.” “Get out of my house.”
— gordonshumway

I’m a little disappointed every time I close a mirrored medicine cabinet and there’s NOT a serial killer standing right behind me.
— KenJennings

Creativity is 99% procrastination and 1% sheer panic.
— yoyoha

Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It’s like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad
— MaryKoCo