Muchacha is my favorite Spanish word that sounds like cows dancing.
Lighten the mood at funerals by handing a wooden stake to the person next to you and whispering, “He was a vampire. You know what to do.”
All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
I feel quite sinister when I buy a houseplant. “Welcome to my home. I will kill you. It’s just a matter of when”.
Water Polo is one shark away from being the most entertaining sport around
Bug in iPhone5 – predictive text controlled by the soul of the Chinese worker who committed suicide making it. How very help me I’m in hell.
Every poodle is fairly positive that it’s Marie Antoinette
Cool Curse Idea: Every time your enemy talks, a bunch of jelly beans fall out of his mouth.
I just spent a lot of time thinking about a Weird Science reboot where Gabourey Sidibe and Rebel Wilson accidentally create Channing Tatum
can’t you imagine it though?
ginny’s going through a questioning phase and her older brothers keep making sex jokes so she writes in her diary “what’s a clitoris?” and tom’s on the other side like “i am a dark lord but i have a duty to this poor girl”
are you trying to insinuate that Voldemort gave Ginny Weasley the sex talk