I like how the first instruction of “stop drop and roll” is “stop.” Like you might have just kept doing what you were doing, but in flames
raccoons are just dogs that have learned witchcraft
periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder
For $5 I will go to the funeral of someone you hate and start a slow clap.
if you’re ever feeling lazy just remember that the ancient greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill but no one even bothered to check
Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you’re a wizard
A banjo is just a guitar that wants to show you a dead body.
what if the coins you find randomly at the bottom of drawers and in between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay rent
I’m guessing the ‘element of surprise’ is probably arsenic
I also want a vampire movie where everyone hasn’t grown weary of LIFE after a measly 300 years, vampires thrilled by toothbrushes & planes
Like Spikes monologue in season 3 but they feel that way all the time and go to museums and love 3D movies
A friend pointed me to this video of a prank involving an animatronic “demonic” baby, scooting around in a remote-controlled carriage and startling people. My initial thoughts were: A) That is a remarkably realistic-looking baby, and B) I hope they’ve got lawyers on hand for when a kindly little old lady goes over to coo at the baby and has a massive heart attack.
The next thing that struck me, though, was this: After the initial startle most people just go, “Huh” and keep walking. It seems as though encountering a carriage moving of its own volition and then having a clearly-possessed baby pop up out of it should have more of an impact. Nobody calls the police or even looks around for a priest. It could be that the animatronic doesn’t look as realistic in real life. It could be that this takes place in New York, where they pride themselves on refusing to impressed.* It may also have something to do with the location: Being surrounded by crowds of people might lessen the perceived threat (and also might explain why nobody calls the authorities; they all expect some other bystander will do it).
Regardless of the cause it’s an interesting reaction, and it sort of calls into question the way that crowds react to monsters in horror movies. In the movies, a demonic baby tooling around in a self-propelled carriage would cause widespread panic; in reality it seems that it causes more of a collective shrug. It’s possible that when zombies invade or a doorway to Hell opens up nobody will even notice.
*This is why Cloverfield was so unrealistic. If an actual kaiju showed up in New York everybody would go, “Pfft. I’ve seen bigger” and then studiously ignore it.
22 year old me after a night of drinking: “I hope I didn’t do anything stupid.” 29 year old me: “I hope I didn’t agree to go on a hike.”
You can drag a piñata around the park like a dog, there’s no laws against that
If you’re trying to gauge how far civilization has evolved, just remember that the Ancient Egyptians also used emoticons to communicate.
At this point in my life, it’s more hurtful than embarrassing that I haven’t received guidance from a forest spirit
The fact it’s called a “funeral procession” and not a “deadline” is why I’m not the guy who names things.
Just wrote Eldritch Horror and autocorrect turned it into Britches Horror and not gonna lie that does sound pretty terrifying
NEVER FORGET: Tilda Swinton is probably in your bedroom staring at you RIGHT now. Nighty night!
no but women are so badass okay
because there will inevitably come a point in every woman’s life where she wakes up in a pool of her own blood and her reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry
that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise
— Sassy McCoy
I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and say, “You know what to do”
The average person eats 8 spiders in their sleep every year, but that’s including the 22 billion consumed by Unlucky Jeff.
Fantasycon’s Murray Triplett and Greg Johnson have a new webseries about monsters and heroes playing an RPG where they pretend to be office workers and make saving throws against being noticed by their bosses when they sneak in to work late.
Although this is not exactly a new idea (the original AD&D Dungeon Master’s Guide, printed in 1979, included this cartoon), the series looks like a lot of fun.
Mario Wienerroither, who makes “musicless music videos” like this one, decided to go in the opposite direction and created a condensed version of the silent classic Nosferatu…but “silentless.” It is sublime.