When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It’s just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
“DADDY DADDY there’s a monster under the bed!”
OH THANK GOD. You’re on your own kid. Here’s a knife. Good luck.
If I was invisible, I’d find bad mimes and silently beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.
Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.
A graveyard full of blank gravestones and a can of permanent markers by the gate.
Wait — did Venkman just HAPPEN to have 300ccs of Thorazine on him when he went on his date with Dana? What was he planning?
Math problem. I have three apples and am traveling towards you at 17mph. It’s not really a problem, more of a warning. Apple time, bitches.
Write the name of someone you hate on your body everyday in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they’ll become a suspect.
technically any building is a mausoleum if you die in it and they don’t find your body
12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?
Me: What’s wrong with the one we live in?
Me: Goodnight, son.