The Art of Darkness

Beware the Horror of Cutezilla

December 1st, 2014 by Cobwebs

Dissolve is a company that licenses royalty-free stock footage, and occasionally they like to show off their wares with silliness like This Is a Generic Brand Video and Cutezilla:

This needs to be a full-length feature film, like, yesterday.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

November 25th, 2014 by Cobwebs

I like how the first instruction of “stop drop and roll” is “stop.” Like you might have just kept doing what you were doing, but in flames
joshbupkes

raccoons are just dogs that have learned witchcraft
mallelis

periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder
peachvenom

For $5 I will go to the funeral of someone you hate and start a slow clap.
heymonroe

if you’re ever feeling lazy just remember that the ancient greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill but no one even bothered to check
partybarackisinthehousetonight

Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you’re a wizard
Bagyants

A banjo is just a guitar that wants to show you a dead body.
longwall26

what if the coins you find randomly at the bottom of drawers and in between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay rent
starfleetinginterest

I’m guessing the ‘element of surprise’ is probably arsenic
Sickayduh

I also want a vampire movie where everyone hasn’t grown weary of LIFE after a measly 300 years, vampires thrilled by toothbrushes & planes
Like Spikes monologue in season 3 but they feel that way all the time and go to museums and love 3D movies
mallelis

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

“Devil Baby” Prank

November 20th, 2014 by Cobwebs

I’m having a Deep Thought(tm). Bear with me.

A friend pointed me to this video of a prank involving an animatronic “demonic” baby, scooting around in a remote-controlled carriage and startling people. My initial thoughts were: A) That is a remarkably realistic-looking baby, and B) I hope they’ve got lawyers on hand for when a kindly little old lady goes over to coo at the baby and has a massive heart attack.

The next thing that struck me, though, was this: After the initial startle most people just go, “Huh” and keep walking. It seems as though encountering a carriage moving of its own volition and then having a clearly-possessed baby pop up out of it should have more of an impact. Nobody calls the police or even looks around for a priest. It could be that the animatronic doesn’t look as realistic in real life. It could be that this takes place in New York, where they pride themselves on refusing to impressed.* It may also have something to do with the location: Being surrounded by crowds of people might lessen the perceived threat (and also might explain why nobody calls the authorities; they all expect some other bystander will do it).

Regardless of the cause it’s an interesting reaction, and it sort of calls into question the way that crowds react to monsters in horror movies. In the movies, a demonic baby tooling around in a self-propelled carriage would cause widespread panic; in reality it seems that it causes more of a collective shrug. It’s possible that when zombies invade or a doorway to Hell opens up nobody will even notice.

*This is why Cloverfield was so unrealistic. If an actual kaiju showed up in New York everybody would go, “Pfft. I’ve seen bigger” and then studiously ignore it.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

November 5th, 2014 by Cobwebs

Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it’s fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
ceejoyner

How much do my dead bfs ashes weigh? Enough to break the ice. I’m Stephanie.
smickable

If you think about it, a skeleton is chewing all your food.
HidetakaMiyazak

Grown ups ask kids, “What do you want to do when you grow up?” because we’re looking for ideas.
wesjohnson8

SO TIRED of clapping happily when a kid takes more than 1 try to blow out birthday candles. His wish is screwed, why are we ignoring this
KenJennings

To me manslaughter sounds way worse than murder. They should change it to something like murder-whoopsie.
WHEREISWALTJNR

yes we still need feminism
the lack of female serial killers is no accident, women are discouraged from serial killing at a young age
mallelis

Having a pet in the house is good. You can blame all suspicious sounds on it when your in bed. *BANG* What was that!?…it was just the fish
FillWerrell

I wish TV shows were like sports: held a draft & traded actors mid-season. “AMC picks up Peter Dinklage to finish season six as Don Draper.”
screencuisine

For a quiet ride, buckle the empty seatbelt beside a child and tell them not to wake up the ghost.
ceejoyner

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Chris Pine: Vampire Lawyer

November 3rd, 2014 by Cobwebs

Because why not.

(via The Mary Sue)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

Seen Online

October 14th, 2014 by Cobwebs

When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It’s just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
ceejoyner

“DADDY DADDY there’s a monster under the bed!”
*jumps up*
WHICH BED?
“mine”
OH THANK GOD. You’re on your own kid. Here’s a knife. Good luck.
EndhooS

If I was invisible, I’d find bad mimes and silently beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.
rolldiggity

Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.
MooseAllain

A graveyard full of blank gravestones and a can of permanent markers by the gate.
NightValeRadio

Wait — did Venkman just HAPPEN to have 300ccs of Thorazine on him when he went on his date with Dana? What was he planning?
pattonoswalt

Math problem. I have three apples and am traveling towards you at 17mph. It’s not really a problem, more of a warning. Apple time, bitches.
vladchoc

Write the name of someone you hate on your body everyday in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they’ll become a suspect.
markleggett

technically any building is a mausoleum if you die in it and they don’t find your body
shutupmikeginn

12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?
Me: What’s wrong with the one we live in?
12yo: WHAT?!
Me: Goodnight, son.
TheMichaelRock

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

Attack of the Spider Dog

September 8th, 2014 by Cobwebs

First thought: “Spider dog, spider dog, does whatever a spider dog can…”

Second thought: “That bit with the hanging body parts is stupid; spiders don’t dismember their prey before wrapping it up.”

Third thought: “I want a spider dog.”

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 5 Comments »

Seen Online

August 20th, 2014 by Cobwebs

22 year old me after a night of drinking: “I hope I didn’t do anything stupid.” 29 year old me: “I hope I didn’t agree to go on a hike.”
IanKarmel

You can drag a piñata around the park like a dog, there’s no laws against that
weinerdog4life

If you’re trying to gauge how far civilization has evolved, just remember that the Ancient Egyptians also used emoticons to communicate.
KalvinMacleod

At this point in my life, it’s more hurtful than embarrassing that I haven’t received guidance from a forest spirit
bridger_w

The fact it’s called a “funeral procession” and not a “deadline” is why I’m not the guy who names things.
Sickayduh

Just wrote Eldritch Horror and autocorrect turned it into Britches Horror and not gonna lie that does sound pretty terrifying
matthewbaldwin

NEVER FORGET: Tilda Swinton is probably in your bedroom staring at you RIGHT now. Nighty night!
JennyJohnsonHi5

no but women are so badass okay
because there will inevitably come a point in every woman’s life where she wakes up in a pool of her own blood and her reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry
that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise
Sassy McCoy

I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and say, “You know what to do”
iGreenMonk

The average person eats 8 spiders in their sleep every year, but that’s including the 22 billion consumed by Unlucky Jeff.
JohnnyMcNulty

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Cubicles and Careers

August 18th, 2014 by Cobwebs

Fantasycon’s Murray Triplett and Greg Johnson have a new webseries about monsters and heroes playing an RPG where they pretend to be office workers and make saving throws against being noticed by their bosses when they sneak in to work late.

Although this is not exactly a new idea (the original AD&D Dungeon Master’s Guide, printed in 1979, included this cartoon), the series looks like a lot of fun.

The first episode is below; the rest are in their playlist.

(via BoingBoing)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Silentless Movie: Nosferatu

August 4th, 2014 by Cobwebs

Mario Wienerroither, who makes “musicless music videos” like this one, decided to go in the opposite direction and created a condensed version of the silent classic Nosferatu…but “silentless.” It is sublime.

(via Blame It On the Voices)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

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