22 year old me after a night of drinking: “I hope I didn’t do anything stupid.” 29 year old me: “I hope I didn’t agree to go on a hike.”
You can drag a piñata around the park like a dog, there’s no laws against that
If you’re trying to gauge how far civilization has evolved, just remember that the Ancient Egyptians also used emoticons to communicate.
At this point in my life, it’s more hurtful than embarrassing that I haven’t received guidance from a forest spirit
The fact it’s called a “funeral procession” and not a “deadline” is why I’m not the guy who names things.
Just wrote Eldritch Horror and autocorrect turned it into Britches Horror and not gonna lie that does sound pretty terrifying
NEVER FORGET: Tilda Swinton is probably in your bedroom staring at you RIGHT now. Nighty night!
no but women are so badass okay
because there will inevitably come a point in every woman’s life where she wakes up in a pool of her own blood and her reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry
that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise
– Sassy McCoy
I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and say, “You know what to do”
The average person eats 8 spiders in their sleep every year, but that’s including the 22 billion consumed by Unlucky Jeff.