The Art of Darkness

Death is Not an Option

February 23rd, 2018 by Cobwebs

It’s time for another round of Death is Not an Option! The rules, as always, are simple: Given the choice of a pair of characters, you have to decide which one you’d rather sleep with; choosing death instead is not an option. This time it’s all science fiction.

The Star Trek Matchup
Reman   Salt Vampire
Reman vs. Salt Vampire

The Evil Replicant Matchup
T-X   Pris
T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) vs. Pris (Blade Runner)

The Doctor Who Matchup
Weeping Angel   Monk
Weeping Angel vs. Monk

The Guys with “Emperor” in Their Title Matchup
Palpatine   Ming
Palpatine (The Empire Strikes Back) vs. Ming the Merciless (Flash Gordon)

The X-Men Matchup
Dr. Xavier   Magneto
Dr. Xavier vs. Magneto

The Badass Heroine Matchup
Trinity   Ripley
Trinity (The Matrix) vs. Ellen Ripley (Alien)

The Charming Rogue Matchup
Mal Reynolds   Han Solo
Mal Reynolds (Firefly) vs. Han Solo (Star Wars)

The Mad Scientists with Bad Hair Matchup
Doc Brown   Emilio Lizardo
Dr. Emmett Brown (Back to the Future) vs. Dr. Emilio Lizardo (Buckaroo Banzai)

The Mad Scientists with Better Hair Matchup
Dr. Horrible   Frank N. Furter
Dr. Horrible (Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog) vs. Dr. Frank N. Furter (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

The Heroines Named Sarah Matchup
Sarah Manning   Sarah Connor
Sarah Manning(Orphan Black) vs. Sarah Connor (The Terminator)

Leave your choices in the comments. And remember…Death is not an option.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 4 Comments »

The League of Extraordinary Link Dumps

February 16th, 2018 by Cobwebs

You Have Been Murdered By Clerks – The Medieval Death Bot’s explanation about why so many murders were by “clerks.”

Weeds – A lovely short comic about “A garden. And a curse.” The second half is here.

Let’s Make Halloween Pompoms – Yes, let’s. Instructions for making cute li’l ghosts, skulls, and eyeballs. These would be a great accent for a hat or sweater.

The Edible Museum – Chocolates shaped like fossils, creepily-realistic human hearts, toads, and other unusual shapes. (Hat tip to Cat)

Sylvia Plath – Lovely, thoughtful thread about the tragedy of Plath’s suicide.

The World’s Tiniest Dragon – The response to this writing prompt is adorable.

Man Redefines Horror By Building a Singing Furby Organ – If there isn’t some future Phantom of the Opera-type thing starring this organ, somebody is missing a bet. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Dark Galadriel – This method for creating “scale mail” armor with round sticker labels is brilliant.

Familiar Witchcraft – Kickstarter for enamel pins with a witchy aesthetic.

Spider Cupcakes – Easy-to-make cupcake topper idea.

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Seen Online

February 14th, 2018 by Cobwebs

me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it’s finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
coryrichardson_

Our dog Paddy brought our cat Felix into the house this evening and lovingly placed him in front of the fire. Yes, that was such a sweet thing to do…except for the fact that Felix was buried on Tuesday. Hence I am on the wine.
ctallcailin

There’s a door that only ever appears when it rains. It’s only in one spot at any given time in the world. You’ll think your mind is playing tricks on you—it isn’t. It’s real. Find it.
Find me.
thenewfiction

If someone is effortlessly happy in the morning, that’s a demon. You’re talking to a demon.
DothTheDoth

Hello, children, and welcome to Hogwarts.
Let us begin by asking a dead guy’s talking hat how many of you are evil.
jelenawoehr

I want a “Big Brother”-style show featuring famous historical mad scientists, just so I can have the scene where Victor Frankenstein looks at the camera and says “I’m not here to make… FRIENDS.”
scalzi

When there’s an earthquake, coffins become huge underground maracas.
Showerthoughts

There was a storm brewing in the teacup. A tiny kraken, once desiccated in a magic war, woke among the leaves.
Honey calmed it, though.
MicroSFF

Give me a supervillain whose origin story begins with them as a cashier until they eventually snap, you cowards.
giggleboxx3000

Hey gang, Ozymandias here! Thanks as always for looking on my works, and if you liked what you saw don’t forget to click “Despair!”
BrennanLM

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Gulliver’s Link Dump

February 9th, 2018 by Cobwebs

Alfred E. Crowley – This made me giggle.

The Price – A proof-of-concept animation for Neil Gaiman’s short story.

Game of Thrones Wine – Wines “inspired” by the series. Fun for a viewing party.

Death and the Dog – If you can read this bittersweet little ‘toon without getting some “dust in your eyes” I don’t want to be your friend.

Ian Malcolm Amigurumi – This is spectacular.

Skull Tie-Dye Shirt – Tutorial for making a surprisingly detailed tie-dye skull T-shirt.

Fighting in Ballgowns – A really great thread on how to fight in a fancy dress.

Dead People Suck – An interview with comedian Laurie Kilmartin, who inadvertently live-tweeted her father’s death and wrote a “guide for survivors of the newly departed.”

Miss Monster – Cool custom masks and other items. I love this panther.

Tortured Candles – Super-easy idea for making creepy Hellraiser-esque candles.

Posted in Link Dump | 2 Comments »

Seen Online

February 6th, 2018 by Cobwebs

the Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters
iamspacegirl

Being an old-timey doctor would rule, just drunk as hell like “yeah u got ghosts in your blood, you should do cocaine about it”
eliyudin

It’s canon that Encyclopedia Brown died grappling with Bugs Meany above Reichenbach Falls.
KenJennings

After conducting massive sleep studies we realized dreams were constant based on date.
Every January 27th was a dream about an unrequited love.
April 19th: Death.
June 10th: Flight.
This discovery was one of the final breakthroughs in realizing our universe was a simulation.
thenewfiction

I scream.
You scream.
We all scream.
This is a support group for banshees.
courtenlow

Before a dental appointment tuck a few small feathers inside your cheeks. When the dentist finds them, start purring.
thewritertype

reasons why skeletons are good:
-always smiling
-everyone has one (egalitarian)
-no meat (cruelty free)
-doing their best
unhaunting

SHOULD I EAT THIS APPLE: A GUIDE
in the following circumstances, do NOT eat the apple
– Snake with legs gave it to you
– Lobbed at you during wedding reception; gold
– Bicolored and offered by old woman bearing striking resemblance to ribbon-and-comb sellers
#folklorethursday
Vengeful_Doe

Tonight at work a creepy dude asked me “what’s your secret to staying so slim and perky?” I responded “I’m a thousand year old witch & every morning I bathe in the blood of men I’ve sacrificed” & an old lady nearby laughed; pretty sure this makes us an official coven
isabelzawtun

Dance like nobody’s watching. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Maintain pike intervals like there’s a maniple of legionaries charging who will close to sword range if you fuck up and give them an opening and then you, and all your battle brothers, are meat for the Roman beast.
MykeCole

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

The Link Dump of the Dawn Treader

February 2nd, 2018 by Cobwebs

“Superhero Plans” Insurance Coverage – A discussion of yet another pitfall of living in the Marvel universe.

How to Change: Your Duvet Cover – This Twitter thread is remarkably accurate.

The Ghost Stories We Tell Around Photon Fires – Evocative ghost story with a science fiction setting.

Dark Shadows Streaming on Amazon – The entire labyrinthine series is now available online.

Balanced Breakfast – I’d eat this cereal.

3,500 Occult Manuscripts Will Be Available Online – Author Dan Brown has made a donation to Amsterdam’s Ritman Library which will allow them to digitize thousands of obscure occult manuscripts and make them available free online. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Umberto Mulignano – Instagram feed for an artist who uses polymer clay to create gorgeous dragons and other fantastical creatures.

My Naym is Floof – An amusing LOTR riff on this.

Origin Story – Odd, melancholy little story about the last of the fairies, who works in a charnel house.

Knife Block – Amusing Twitter thread about the advantages of storing kitchen knives in a drawer.

Posted in Link Dump | 2 Comments »