The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

January 15th, 2024 by Cobwebs

every time my knees crack that is simply my skeleton saying hello

If you put some holy water in a cup with dish soap you can catch vampires that are in your carpet at night.

[being buttered]
me: what the hell
murderer: (apologetic) you know what i brought the wrong frickin knife

[ 4 dentists coming out of the woods ]
me: hey weren’t there five of you
them: (in agreement) no

I love autumn. I love bonfires and apple picking and carving pumpkins. I love feeling the chilled air when I lure a mortal into the mist and turn them into a thing of the woods using dread forest magic.

Hey I saw you from across the bar but my girlfriend didn’t. Are you some manner of spirit

Pro tip: Everyone knows you can kill a vampire by driving a stake through its heart but did you know you can also use this technique to kill almost anything else?

Gentlemen, we are once again gathered here by my milkshake

why are billionaires even on twitter. if I had that kind of money I would go around telling people “what do you call that device you’ve got there? a ‘smart phone’? how quaint, I only communicate via messenger pigeon” before riding off on a chariot pulled by iguanas

Almost forgot to pay the cheese tax tonight. Can you imagine. I could’ve gone to Jail For Mother

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