The Art of Darkness

The Link Dump in Winter

November 30th, 2012 by Cobwebs

DIY Creepy Vintage Photos – Photoshop tutorial for superimposing skulls on vintage photographs.

Googly Eye Ornament – Easy tutorial for making eyeball-covered ornaments, just in case you like the idea of your Christmas tree staring at you.

Cthulhu Mittens – Free knitting pattern.

Tentacle Corset – This is tagged as “Ursula” cosplay, but it looks more like octopus-meets-steampunk to me.

Horror Movies for Your Pets – Truth.

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s Halloween – Some upscale party-food ideas that are sort of elegantly disgusting. (via Halloween Addict)

Gingerbread Haunted Mansion – Includes a downloadable template if you feel ambitious enough to DIY.

Spider Computer Mouse – USB mouse with a real spider embedded inside.

Harry Potter Wedding – Elegant HP theme.

Voodoo Doll Prank – This is the kind of non-harmful practical joke I can get behind.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

“Elevator Ghost” Prank

November 29th, 2012 by Cobwebs

This is a nicely set-up prank, but Brazil must have some very relaxed liability laws.

(My personal take, incidentally: The “ghost” glances over at the victims a lot. It seems to me that it’d be scarier if she did nothing but stare straight ahead, seemingly unaware of their presence, until she turned and screamed.)

(via Blame It On The Voices)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

November 28th, 2012 by Cobwebs

I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archaeologist will have one awesome day at work.

If you do an image search for “Coughing”, you get photos of people performing fellatio on ghosts.
— Cameo Wood (Hat tip to LimeyFish)

i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, u collect it” so i wrote the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”

I finally learned how to teach my guys to ID the passive voice. If you can insert “by zombies” after the verb, you have passive voice.

Tampon/pad packaging and advertising is such a wasted opportunity. It’s all flower pink shit, when you could instead feature a bunch of explosions and heavy metal music and slogans along the lines of “CAN YOU BLEED FOR DAYS AT A TIME AND NOT DIE? THEN USE METALBADASSBLOODTEX PADS/TAMPONS, ‘CAUSE THEY’RE AS MUTHERFUCKING HARDCORE AS YOU ARE.”

I bet every recipe for disaster has raisins in it.

Please, God, never hand me a baby anywhere near a basketball hoop

I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.

dammit owls you KNOW who this is

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn’t really have to wear clothes ever.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 5 Comments »

“Time Travel” Prop

November 27th, 2012 by Cobwebs

Time Travel PropHere’s a perfect thing to carry for Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day or any time you want to add a bit of steampunky veracity to a time-traveler costume.

A couple of years ago absinthetic–whose splendid Wonderland Expedition Kit I’ve mentioned previously–dressed as a 19th-Century time traveler for Halloween and built the “Chronotheric Fluxing Capacitron” to use as a prop. He’s got a photoset up on Flickr, and while it doesn’t give any detailed instructions there are enough different angles that it should be possible to put together something similar. He listed the materials in a post on the Brass Goggles forum:

The clock case was just that; a cheap plastic clock I got at a yard sale for $1. I removed all the guts (except for the handsome clock face).

The backing of the “backboard” is just some leather/vinyl material I had leftover after making some curtains for my bedroom.

The “time dial” is a gold (well, fake gold) napkin holder, with the glass face of a broken pocket watch and a “time circle” graph that I created in Adobe Illustrator.

The thingy in the center is just a doorknob, another yard sale find.

The “lightning” is an EL cable I acquired at an electronics store. Originally I wanted to use a chasing LED circuit, but I couldn’t find any chasing circuits in time that would fit what I needed, so the EL cable (usually used for bicycles or other things you would want to illuminate at night) was used as a substitute.

The “glass tubes” came from a $1 plastic ‘parade baton’ that you’d get for a little kid…I emptied out all the glittery stuff from the inside and cut the tubes to size. The metal caps are just some capping devices from the electrical section at Home Depot.

Otherwise, everything else was just glued down with Gorilla Glue. The EL cable cost about $20, but the rest of it cost me less than $10 for everything (yay yard sales!)

This is a great use of repurposed objects and the results are splendid. It would be a fun project to build up over time as you found appropriate bits at thrift stores and yard sales.

Posted in Doom It Yourself | 2 Comments »

Look Around You

November 26th, 2012 by Cobwebs

Look Around You is a series of short “modules” done by comedians Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz which satirize late-70s educational films. Here they present some important information about ghosts.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | No Comments »

Poetry Sunday

November 25th, 2012 by Cobwebs

The Cremation of Sam McGee

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam ’round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he’d often say in his homely way that “he’d sooner live in hell.”

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn’t see;
It wasn’t much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and “Cap,” says he, “I’ll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I’m asking that you won’t refuse my last request.”

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
“It’s the cursèd cold, and it’s got right hold till I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet ’tain’t being dead–it’s my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you’ll cremate my last remains.”

A pal’s last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn’t a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn’t get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: “You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it’s up to you to cremate those last remains.”

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows– O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I’d often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the “Alice May.”
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then “Here,” said I, with a sudden cry, “is my cre-ma-tor-eum.”

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared–such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn’t like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don’t know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: “I’ll just take a peep inside.
I guess he’s cooked, and it’s time I looked”; … then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: “Please close that door.
It’s fine in here, but I greatly fear you’ll let in the cold and storm–
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it’s the first time I’ve been warm.”

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

— Robert W. Service

Posted in Whatever | 2 Comments »

Sweet Saturday

November 24th, 2012 by Cobwebs

Pumpkin Bread

3 1/2 C all purpose flour
4 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground allspice
1/2 tsp ground cloves
2 C pumpkin puree (homemade or canned, not “pumpkin pie filling”)
1 C whole milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 C (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 C sugar
4 large eggs
2 C pecans, toasted, chopped (optional)

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour a 10-inch (3 quart) bundt pan or two 9 1/4 x 5 x 2 1/2-inch loaf pans.

Whisk together flour, baking powder, salt, baking soda, and spices in medium bowl. In small bowl, mix pumpkin, milk and vanilla. Using an electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until creamy. Gradually beat in sugar until thoroughly incorporated. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat pumpkin mixture and flour mixture alternately into butter mixture in 2 additions each, making sure to mix only until combined. Stir in pecans. Transfer to prepared pan(s).

Bake bread until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool 5 minutes. Turn out onto rack and cool completely.

Can be prepared 2 days ahead. Wrap tightly in foil and let stand at room temperature. Can be frozen up to three months.

Posted in Doom It Yourself | 1 Comment »

The Electric Link Dump

November 23rd, 2012 by Cobwebs

The Mad Hatter Meets Christmas – Adorable DIY Mad Hatter-esque top hats to use as holiday ornaments.

100 Most Depressing Movie Death Scenes – A supercut (apparently copyright-blocked in some countries, so you may need to use a proxy). BoingBoing has some additional suggestions in the comments.

Drunken Spider – Cute cocktail that looks like a spider passed out in your glass.

Straight Outta Surrey – “Chap-hop” by Mr. B. the Gentleman Rhymer. What is this I don’t even.

Unretouched Overlook Hotel Photo – The “vintage” photo of Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining was a real retouched photo instead of a shot done for the film.

Owl Granny Squares – Easy crochet pattern. Make the colors less pastel and you have spooky owls. Change a couple of the triangles to the same color as the body and you have spooky bats.

A Very Gorey ASOIAFabet – Game of Thrones meets Gashleycrumb Tinies. Spoilers. (via xJane)

Spooky Sun Jars – Ostensibly for Halloween but obviously perfect for any time of year, these are a great alternative to candles.

DIY Spine T-shirt – Easy method for adding a skeletal spine to the back of a plain shirt.

Bat Head T-Shirt – Cute “giant hyperrealistic bat head” shirt. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 22nd, 2012 by Cobwebs

To all my U.S. readers, I hope it is/was/will be wonderful.

Medium Large

(via Medium Large)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | No Comments »

Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day

November 22nd, 2012 by Cobwebs

Get ready! Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day is/was/will be (depending upon your temporal situation) December 8!

Aaron Diaz, who writes the cyberpunkish Webcomic Dresden Codak, came up with the idea a few years ago, describing it thusly:

You must spend the entire day in costume and character. The only rule is that you cannot actually tell anyone that you are a time traveler. Other than that, anything’s game.

There are three possible options:

1) Utopian/cliché Future – “If the Future did a documentary of the last fifty years, this is how badly the reenactors would dress.” Think Star Trek: TNG or the Time Travelers from Hob. Ever see how the society in Futurama sees the 20th century? Run with it. Your job is to dress with moderately anachronistic clothing and speak in slang from varying decades. Here are some good starters:

– Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: “Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?” “What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?” and “Your king must be a kindly soul!”

– Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.

2) Dystopian Future – This one offers a little more flexibility. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Freejack. The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they’ve gone back in time. Some starters:

– If you go the “prisoner who’s escaped the future” try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you’ve never seen it before.

– Walk up to random people and say “WHAT YEAR IS THIS?” and when they tell you, get quiet and then say “Then there’s still time!” and run off.

– Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell “NOOOOOOOOO”

– Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished.

– Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say “In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that.” Then slip away.

3) The Past – This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture’s set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers:

– Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while.

– Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic grocery doors. Stay there for hours playing with it.

– Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially scary.

And that’s it. Remember, the only real rule is staying in character and try to fit in. Never directly admit you’re a time traveler, and make really, really bad attempts at keeping a low profile. Naturally, the dystopian future has a little more leeway. And for the record, I’ve already tried out all of these in real life, in costume. It is so much fun you want to pee yourself.

A Facebook event page is here.

I’m particularly fond of the idea of giving someone a phone number to call in 30 years. Given my tendency to truly commit to the bit, I’d be forced to keep the same number for 30 years, leaving strict instructions in my will if necessary…and wait.

If you’re a fan of this blog there’s an excellent chance you’ve already got appropriate attire hanging around in your closet (a Victorian ensemble, or maybe something that looks like castoffs from some horrible dystopian future). If not, there’s plenty of time to put together an “overshot the current fashions by a couple decades” outfit at your local thrift store; for best results, mix the periods and wear, say, saddle shoes and bell-bottoms.

You can be a lone time-traveler or get together a group of friends to be temporal tourists and clumsily try to blend in. Either way, get out there and make somebody’s day a little more surreal!

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

« Previous Entries