entering my Ebenezer Scrooge era (eating some soup, wearing a lil nightcap and gown, retiring to bed early)
— SketchesbyBoze

holy infant so tender and mild implies the existence of a cursed infant so chewy and spicy
— DarkLiterata

working in an office is just like being in a horse movie except the horse is a printer. im the only one in the office who can make it work and its because the printer and i have a special bond. its a wild and untamable spirit and we are going to win the big race
— the-grollican

Poltergeists tend to focus on one member of a family, usually a teenager who is good at throwing things when no one is looking.
— MisterABK

I accidentally used my mom’s fabric scissors to cut wrapping paper and now the cops are here
— lazerdoov

(OSHA inspector walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory) what the fuck
— ItsMattsLaw

His Dark Materials, but instead of daemons, everyone has a muppet.
— SnoozeInBrief

I am the ghost of Christmas Future Pluperfect Conditional. I will show you what would have come to pass if you had not changed your ways.
— dwauctioneer

Youre telling me a ginger bred this man??
— vinn_ayy

Scrooge demands a turkey “twice the size of Tiny Tim,” and I love the idea of measuring foods relative to the size of your acquaintances. “Run by Kroger’s and pick up a goose that’s half the length of Louisa, the assistant librarian”
— SketchesbyBoze