The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

December 23rd, 2022 by Cobwebs

entering my Ebenezer Scrooge era (eating some soup, wearing a lil nightcap and gown, retiring to bed early)

holy infant so tender and mild implies the existence of a cursed infant so chewy and spicy

working in an office is just like being in a horse movie except the horse is a printer. im the only one in the office who can make it work and its because the printer and i have a special bond. its a wild and untamable spirit and we are going to win the big race

Poltergeists tend to focus on one member of a family, usually a teenager who is good at throwing things when no one is looking.

I accidentally used my mom’s fabric scissors to cut wrapping paper and now the cops are here

(OSHA inspector walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory) what the fuck

His Dark Materials, but instead of daemons, everyone has a muppet.

I am the ghost of Christmas Future Pluperfect Conditional. I will show you what would have come to pass if you had not changed your ways.

Youre telling me a ginger bred this man??

Scrooge demands a turkey “twice the size of Tiny Tim,” and I love the idea of measuring foods relative to the size of your acquaintances. “Run by Kroger’s and pick up a goose that’s half the length of Louisa, the assistant librarian”

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Seen Online

December 13th, 2022 by Cobwebs

a movie where the family 100% knows the house is haunted but, due to the housing shortage, decides to just make the best of it. like remember kids, buddy system!! if spiders come out of the faucet you can skip bath! there is never a good enough reason to go in the cellar!!

saying “hm. must be the curse” every time something bad happens and refusing to elaborate is my new hobby

You never hear about Cinderella’s Fairy Godfather who turned all of her enemies into corpses.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You stuffed it underneath the floorboards with the rest of my corpse until the sound of my heartbeat intensified your descent into madness

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol
First night as a vampire hunter: oh no

did we ever find out how the vampire’s interview went? did he get the job

sorry for my behavior, my leitmotif was playing in a minor key

man: but what about the times i saw 8 footprints on the beach?
spiderchrist: [hiding in the shadows] oh that was just normal beach stuff. step into the web my child

To me, Christmas isn’t about perfection or consumerism. It’s about family togetherness. It’s about trading ghost stories with will-o’-the-wisps. It’s about forming snow into giant crabs and bringing them to life. It’s about running from the peppermint beasts in a torchlit cavern.

H.P. Lovecraft: Your limited human mind cannot comprehend Cthulhu
Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy

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