Sometimes you have to invite your demons right through your front door and serve them tea and cookies, and before too long you’ll realize they aren’t giant ogres with sharp claws and blazing eyes, but frightened children that have tiny arms and feet.
— Swirly Girl
My clumsy, sweatpants-clad seduction was timed to commence with his morning wood and a Rush song. I’m not a sex kitten, I’m a sex LOL cat.
Rainbows and cupcakes and dreams. All of these live in the magic world of Happy-Wonderful Land, but only one of them is edible: sugary, creamy, sinfully fudgy cupcakes. Technically, dreams would also count if you sauteed them long enough.
—Squishable ad copy
Nobody ever thinks it’s their monster that’ll end up in a burning windmill.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
If you like to get off by choking yourself with a rope or belt, at least have the decency to write up a “Not suicide, jerking off.” letter.
“Better late than never” is a great motto, but a terrible start to a eulogy.
My mother’s obsession with the good scissors always scared me a bit. It implied that somewhere in the house there lurked: the evil scissors.
— Tony Martin
What I love about the internet is if my leg fell off, I’d get a lot of messages going, “Poor you!” but at least one saying, “Can I have it?'”
Vampirates. This has to be something.
You know what’s funny? Kittens. Not so much funny ha-ha as funny tasting.
Was reading Poe last night. It was, in fact, so raven.