The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

February 25th, 2019 by Cobwebs

acme was just mailing bombs and rockets and shit to a dog

– liking each other’s tweets
– exchanging numbers in the DMs
– hot-air balloon races
– falling in love with the same man and accidentally killing each other in a duel
– haunting the woods together in your finest silk gowns

Dracula: do you hear them! the children of the ni…
Me, the familiar: we have the plumber coming at 7 to clean out that castle bathroom pipe that dumps into the sea & please pay him this time bc need I remind you we cant all turn into a bat and shit onto the side of the castle

You never hear about a new ghost. “Oh yeah, this place is haunted since Jeff died last Tuesday.”

[me as a realtor]
the crawl space is probably full of bones already but you can always add more bones yourself

I would love to see a Poirot-style murder mystery that pivots into horror halfway through when it is revealed that the train is alive and murdering its own passengers

can’t wait til i’m a ghost and a dude with a tape recorder asks if there’s anything i’d like to communicate and i get to go “no thank you”

The thing I remember most about having a pet rock is how one day it just went crazy and attacked my best friend in the back of the head.

PITCH: An anti-Mary Poppins story where a perfectly normal nanny teaches a family of impossibly powerful wizard children to stop being assholes

“If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. If you bite it and you die it’s poisonous. If you bite it and somebody else dies it’s voodoo. If you bite it and your head hurts it’s probably ice cream.”

I am very informative to live with.

Also: “If you bite it and nobody dies but you’re both into it… I dunno, you’re on your own.”


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February 15th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Hey, guys and ghouls –

This is just a note to let the half-dozen people who still read this silly blog that I haven’t vanished. I’m in the middle of moving web hosts and all of my databases are in a state of flux. Once things settle back down I’ll get back to posting. Promise!

(In the meantime, there are 12 years’ worth of archived posts. Knock yourselves out.)

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Salt, Fat, Acid, Link Dump

February 1st, 2019 by Cobwebs

Legendary and Hammer Bringing Classic British Sci-Fi Hero QUATERMASS to the Big ScreenQuatermass and the Pit (Five Million Years to Earth in the US) is one of the best SF movies of all time; fight me. This reboot could be a lot of fun.

Cup of Frost, Palm of Gold – Fantasy Twine game described by its author as containing, “iced bones and merling kisses and fey feasting and clay coffins and acorns cracked by teeth.”

Monster Librarian – Resource site for scary books.

Fuyuko Matsui – Artist who specializes in the supernatural, beautiful and grotesque.

Omnia Oddities – “Jewelry for the unearthly.” I especially like the Arachne ring.

#McMansionGothic – An entertaining Twitter thread.

The Privilege of the Happy Ending – This short story was described by @BBolander thusly: “It is, essentially, a fairy tale AU where Ellen Ripley is a banty hen & Newt is … well, mostly still Newt, and they have to navigate a xenomorph-infested fairy tale landscape together.”

24 Children’s Stories That Still Give Us the Creeps – A roundup of fairy tales and folklore that will give kids nightmares.

Undead Girl – I will be singing it with these lyrics from now on.

Death Wish Coffee – Highly-caffeinated “extreme” coffee.

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