The Art of Darkness

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November 7th, 2012 by Cobwebs

I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.

Business Plan:
1. Make a “FREE HUGS!” sign.
2. During the hug, whisper, “But it’s $50 to let go.”
3. Gently press a knife into their side.

This Halloween, I’m going to scare everyone I know by texting them “We need to talk.”

People passing out Bibles on campus today.
Took one, acted all flustered that someone had recognized me, signed the inside cover and handed it back with a handshake and said, “Always nice to meet a fan.”
Now it’s worth more.

Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I AM NOT HITTING SNOOZE WHEN I HEAR THAT.

So when I do go to yeshiva, I’m going to be there for about six months to a year and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to take a few days off during certain periods to travel to Prague, Rome, Budapest, et cetera. Is there anything that you’d like me to get you (that isn’t a golem)?
I want you to get a solid grasp of Aramaic and use it to film a sequel to the Passion in which Jesus returns to earth, builds an army, marches across the United States, knocks on Mel Gibson’s door and is like, “Not cool, dude.”
Burgeoning Lads of Science

A spooky story that ends, “…and from that night to this, the radio of that black ’82 Camaro would never play anything…but Danzig.”

If you’re about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.

Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I’ll look at them shocked and just whisper quietly, “You can see me?”

It says something about my life that it’s a lot easier for me to remember how to spell “Cthulhu” than “Massachusetts.”

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