The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

May 22nd, 2018 by Cobwebs

Practice self-care like spiders, hang out in dark places & spend all day preparing a murder net.
DothTheDoth

Here’s a little tip for productivity: Keep your hands in your pockets. Something comes up, you need your hands, boom. There they are.
duchessgoldblat

Stephen King: what if there was an *evil* clown
Mary Shelley: what if a corpse came to life
Edgar Allan Poe: oh no a bird!!!
SketchesbyBoze

I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if the object it moved around was the vacuum.
LizHackett

as a child i thought i’d have to deal with the bermuda triangle a lot more than i have in my adult life
boy_from_school

i appreciate that Montresor doesn’t explain shit to the reader about why he’s bricking a dude up behind a wall, just “because fuck this dude, how bout that”
ryandroyd

Always wear your opera gloves when you attend the opera. Also wear your opera goggles. Know the location of the opera safety shower station. Now you are ready to handle that dangerous and corrosive material, the opera
rajandelman

> I propose a hunt, gentlemen. Our quarry: the most ~*dangerous game*~
>> Man?
> What? No, what the fuck, I meant knife-tigers
>> Oh I thought,,
> The fuck, Chauncey ಠ_ಠ
gaileyfrey

Mad respect for the skeletons at the beginning of every major dungeon out there. They know they aren’t boss level bad guys but they still clatter up to you with their swords out like they’re gonna bop you just as hard, true dedication right there
SamuraiCorndog

if, like a dead child ghost in a Scandinavian horror movie, your soul is ever trapped between realms bc your body has not been found, I WILL help find it, but please don’t be scary about it??? just be chill and not pop up suddenly to scream wordlessly at me

write it on my bathroom mirror in steam like “nicole please find my body/solve my murder so I can move over, this is Sigrid Samisdottir, also you look pretty today” and I will absolutely do my level best to free you

I know you are embittered and obsessed and acting out, and the last thing I want is to tone-police a dead ghost child, but honestly I have not the constitution for wordless screaming and cold little dead hands on the back of my neck.

Nicole_Cliffe

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

The Link Dump in the Willows

May 18th, 2018 by Cobwebs

BDSM Alexa Hack – Slightly NSFW for subject matter. Oh brave new world…. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Chocolate Spider Web Drinks – Cute edible drink garnishes (chocolate martinis for the grownups, and chocolate milk for the kids).

Vampires vs. Werewolves – How did I not know Oglaf had a YouTube channel until now?!? (Hat tip to Bruno)

SHOULD YOU FIGHT: GREEK #GODS EDITION – A thread of greatness.

strangeling – Jasmine Beckett-Griffith does unusual, surreal takes on vampires, fairy-tale princesses and other legendary figures. This is the most whimsical little version of Durga that you’ll ever see.

So You’ve Decided to Get a Goth Girlfriend Like Elon Musk – A helpful guide. (Hat tip to ShellHawk)

Ghost Story Thread – Author Cassandra Khaw occasionally does a cool thing where she asks her Twitter followers for an anecdote and then writes a micro-story about it. This time she asked for scary/eerie things that had happened to them. The linked thread is their stories; scroll down her timeline for her responses.

Sweet Preserved Pumpkin – This Oaxacan sweet is definitely not something you can knock off in an afternoon, but it’s an interesting thing to do with a pumpkin.

Laboratory Shot Glasses – These would be adorable for a mad scientist-themed party.

Helpful Packet From The Satanic Panic Of the ’80s – This resource packet (from a local police department!) is both hilarious and infuriating. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

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A Funny Thing Happened to Me on the Way to the Link Dump

May 4th, 2018 by Cobwebs

Pocosin – Lovely short story about witches and opossum gods.

Horror Icons Cake – Very cool cake decorated with thematic elements representing Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger, Leatherface, and Pinhead. There are a couple of other cakes by the same artist here.

20 Horror Cakes for Sugary Nightmares – Whilst searching for a non-Pinterest source for the cake above, I stumbled upon this roundup of amazingly detailed horror-themed cakes.

In-Universe SCProps – ID cards and other small items for SCP cosplay.

My Favorite Murder – True crime comedy podcast in which the hosts discuss interesting murder cases.

things that cannot save you – A carefully curated Tumblr of things that will provide no protection when Cthulhu and his pals come a-callin’. If you were expecting Micky Dolenz to save you from the Elder Gods, think again. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Alternative “Friends” Episodes – I’d watch these.

Meatloaf of Rat – I don’t usually pay much attention to food designed to look disgusting, but I sort of love the bug-eyed look on this rat’s face.

Hades Footwear – All kinds of spiky, steampunky, weird-looking shoes, including some very goth sneakers.

Mysterious Wooden Statue – Neat flashfic about an ancient wooden statue found in a peat bog (includes a link to a news item about the discovery).

Posted in Link Dump | 1 Comment »

Link Dumps Are Forever

April 27th, 2018 by Cobwebs

Soup-Erb – Amusing ‘toon. (via Pixel Pixie)

The Cauldron – There’s a new “magical cocktail bar” in London that lets you brew your own potions.

Swan Songs – NPR’s podcast All Songs Considered asked their listeners what songs they wanted played at their funeral. (Hat tip to Bruno)

Asian Vampires – A Twitter thread of greatness.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark – With the news that the Golden State Killer has probably been caught, this seems like a good time to mention the book that may have led to his arrest.

Historic Tale Construction Kit – Fun interactive site that lets you drag and drop individual elements from the Bayeux Tapestry to make your own variation. (Hat tip to xJane)

Anti Social – Amusing “modern dating horror story.”

Photographing Dreams – These paintings by Zdzisław Beksiński are full of Boschy goodness.

Funeral Potatoes – “We’re trying to market this potato-cheese dish that goes by several regional names; which one should we choose?” “Well, that’s obvious.”

OrcCouture Magazine – Amusing novelty Twitter account. “Try pairing a opalescent live kitten with a stylish cloak this midwinter.”

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Seen Online

April 24th, 2018 by Cobwebs

There’s a dead language you can speak to Alexa & she will open you a personal portal to hell.
DothTheDoth

Asked my 2 year old what her fav part of today’s Halloween party was and she pointed at thin air and said, “that ghost”. May move house.
simonpegg

Gandalf standing in front of the Gates of Moria trying to remember a password makes a lot more sense to me now than it did in 1984.
other_shoe

so many people are afraid to speak their truth cus they don’t wanna be “canceled” or whatever but i’ll come right out and say pretzels are just bread bones
jaboukie

The sun is probably the closest thing we’ll ever have to a true Eldritch Abomination. Hear me out here-
* Older than recorded history; was here longer than any of us and will be here long after we leave. Has a finite beginning and end but is still incomprehensibly ancient
* Burns itself into your vision instantly and can blind you if you look for too long
* Further prolonged exposure can cause cancerous growths
* Non-humanoid shape floating through space; colossal flaming tentacles angrily lash out on occasion
* Sort of just appeared one day and is now surrounded by the corpses of its stillborn children
* People used to sacrifice other people to appease it
* Pretty sure it screams at us sometimes
ndiecity

Chefs seem obsessed with removing more and more of the original structure of foods:

Salmon mousse
Basil foam
Strawberry dust
Parmesan air

Where does it end?

Venison déjà vu
A memory of broccoli
A vicious rumour about carrots

ThereWillBeGin

Reading up on the order of animals that contains cockroaches and termites and now my brain has subbed in the word “blattodea” for “Amadeus” in the song “Rock Me, Amadeus.”
scalzi

Hate when SF novels pretend they’re based on a found manuscript and start off with an “academic” saying “yeah we found this in a cave” when any actual academic paper starts with “this proves professor douchebag wrong suck it dave”
quendergeer

Everyone always talks about the 8 spiders you eat in your sleep every year but no one ever talks about the months long trial the spiders hold before sentencing those 8 spiders to that fate.
NeilaK20

Give me a cup of coffee, a house with a horrifying backstory & a ghost to murder me.
DothTheDoth

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Link Dump at Tiffany’s

April 20th, 2018 by Cobwebs

The New Deal – You’ve gotta really hate a piece of legislation to spend three months embroidering an intricate scorpion demon representing its evils. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Funko Pop: Death – “Death” from Neil Giaman’s Sandman comics will be available as a Funko figure in June.

Host of Ghosts – Cute, easy idea for enlivening (so to speak) cakes and other desserts with li’l poofy ghosts.

Tarantula Burgers – A North Carolina restaurant has a limited-time hamburger topped with a roasted tarantula. Woo; edgy. I hope they’re ethically sourced.

Your Old Lady-Sona – One of many wonderful responses to this prompt.

Snowba Fett and Ariel Fett – Really detailed cosplay of Snow White/Ariel-Boba Fett mashups. The cosplayers (Traci Hines and Amber Arden) frequently riff on the characters, including steampunk and rococo versions. This eyeball flower from Hines’ “Creepy Alice in Wonderland” cosplay is neat, too.

Profile Picture vs. Tagged Photo – It’s oddly comforting that some things never change.

Cabinet of Curiosities Halloween Party – Unusual theme idea.

Beholder Cake – Amazingly realistic cake made for a D&D event.

Good Boy – Amusing ‘toon. (via Pixel Pixie)

Posted in Whatever | 2 Comments »

All the Pretty Link Dumps

April 13th, 2018 by Cobwebs

Adopt a HeroRAT – You’ve probably heard of the African pouched rats who have been trained to sniff out landmines and detect diseases like tuberculosis. You can sponsor one and get monthly emails with news about what “your” rat has been up to.

Man-Eating Plant – Tutorial for making a chompy-looking giant carnivorous plant using a foam craft pumpkin as the head.

annieelf – Artist who makes cute polymer clay baby elves, many of which look like vampires or Cthulhu or similar creepy things. (via Spooky Moon)

Bone Dry – Cute stop motion-animated video for The Eels’ new album, done by Anthony Scotts (whose previous work includes Nightmare Before Christmas and Corpse Bride). Also I really like the idea of somebody saying, “Get me the best skeleton animator in the world.”

Watermelon Shark – Instructions for carving a watermelon into a shark who helpfully holds fruit salad in his maw.

Kate Clark – This artist sculpts human faces on taxidermy animals. Her artist’s statement says, “They are obviously reconstructed yet they are not monstrous, they are approachable, natural, calm, innocent, dignified.” Uh, no; they are creepy as fuck.

Cemetery Mixtape – Podcast about famous graves, with original songs about them. Tagline: “it’s like unboxing videos, only with graves.” (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Velociprincesses – Laura Cooper, who draws the webcomic XP, has a side project where she draws various Disney princesses (including Star Wars princesses) as velociraptors. The Cinderella one cracked me up.

Persephone – This amusing Twitter thread goes a long way toward explaining the current spring weather.

Deadly Grounds Coffee – Their tagline is “coffee to die for,” insert weary rimshot here.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Seen Online

April 10th, 2018 by Cobwebs

I guess you can do gender reveal parties if that’s your thing, but I notice with some disappointment that no one is doing parties to reveal if the baby is evil or not.
SamSykesSwears

priest: you’re never alone my child, the spirit is always with you
me: thanks for the reminder father
*one of the sixteen victorian cholera ghosts that constantly cling to me pats my cheek gently*
spookperson

yes im a girl. yes i wear makeup. no im not wearing the makeup to conceal the terrible prophecy i wrote on my skin so it would survive the trip home from the future. honestly idk why you would even Ask me that
knifehaver

your body is a ghost factory that takes one lifetime to produce a ghost
aRealLiveGhost

“Be yourself,” they say, and then when you point out that your perfect man is Jareth from Labyrinth crossed with Mr. Rogers, they look at you funny.
HillaryMonahan

Good night
Sleep tight
You are technically a ghost and a skeleton living together inside a meat tuxedo
♡♡♡
gaileyfrey

budget version of lord of the rings wherein gandalf goes to the wall of mordor and yells up at a single orc
“Hey, is Sauron there?”
“Yeah,” the orc shouts back.
“Well, tell him to knock it off!”
And then it is over.
SamSykesSwears

As your goth financial advisor I urge you to invest in a secret staircase. I don’t care where it goes. That’s between you & the staircase.
DothTheDoth

every cat falls into one of the following categories:
• looks like it knows how to use a sword but refuses to teach you
• looks like it just finished eating an éclair
ka_waltz

🍀ATTENTION EVERYONE!🍀 ✴️LIMITED TIME OFFER✴️
COME AWAY
O HUMAN CHILD
TO THE WATERS AND THE WILD*
*with a faery, hand in hand**
**some exclusions and limitations apply
‡world may be full of more weeping than you can understand
mstiefvater

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

The Link Dump of the Black Lagoon

April 6th, 2018 by Cobwebs

Time Travel Organizations – I would watch the hell out of a TV show with this premise.

Empathy Cards For Serious Illness – I think my favorite is, “When life gives you lemons, I won’t tell you a story about my cousin’s friend who died of lemons.”

Civilizations at the End of Time: Dying Earth – A look at the far future, and the end of the Earth. (Or, as submitterator Bruno described it, “gothic futurism.”)

Zombie Outbreak Writing Prompt – This is a brilliant idea.

She Who Hungers, She Who Waits – Evocative, creepy short story about parasitic goddesses and sacrifice.

The Secret Sexual World of America’s Renaissance Faires – I don’t think anybody who’s ever been to a RenFaire would be surprised that they’re popular with the BDSM crowd but it apparently surprised this author.

The Beautiful Men of Goth and Post-Punk – A photo roundup.

Hiding Easter Eggs – I have accepted Sarah Gailey’s thread about the holiday ecosystem as headcanon.

The Box of Astaroth – Artist Dan Baines makes wonderfully spooky miniature “ritual cabinets.”

The House with a Clock in Its Walls – A movie based on the classic children’s horror novel will be released in September. Oh, hooray! Starring Jack Black. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Seen Online

March 30th, 2018 by Cobwebs

If I were a wizard, I’d have some amazing curses to put on people
like cursing them to say “you too” every time a server says to enjoy your meal
or to remember something embarrassing they did in high school right before they fall asleep
SamSykesSwears

“are you a wine mom or a vodka aunt”
I’m an absinthe dowager
spookperson

We got used to re-animated skeletons. They’re just another minority among many. Here’s one now, looking at lipsticks. My department. “Can I help you-”
It tenses, waiting to see how I address it. Well, I’m no osteopath. Best not assume.
“Honoured One?”
It grins.
MicroSFF

DEVIL: You shall stay forever young, but this picture of you will bear the marks of your sin!
DORIAN: Can I hide it?
DEVIL: Well, yes, but—
DORIAN: And there are no other consequences?
DEVIL: This… This picture will become so foul!
DORIAN: Again, probably I’ll hide the picture.
aedison

My cask of amontillado brings all the boys to the catacombs
And they’re like, you’re entombing us alive
Damn right, I’m entombing you alive
I could free you
But I’m entombing you alive
living_marble

Things My Dog Does Not Understand About Cats
-why do they vibrate it’s weird
-they are very sharp
-they don’t like dog nose in their butts
-Very Sharp
-is that a good noise or a bad noise? o it’s a bad noise
-VERY SHARP
-change minds easily. it’s ok THEN NOT OK
-S H A R P
ellle_em

Ok, so playing this game is making me think that I really want a game where you play as the Gruff Mentor Figure. Because I identify with them way more than I do the teenage Chosen One.

“Your Chosen One needs to kill monsters. Go catch a monster and wound it and bring it home like a cat with a mouse so your teenager learns to fight monsters.”

“Your Chosen One has been kidnapped. Yes, again. Go break them out.”

“Your Chosen One has questions about her past. Choose from various grim/cryptic dialogue options.”

UrsulaV

Do you guys still have your baby eyeballs from when they fell out?
I traded mine (like a total chump) for a quarter each from the Eyeballs Fairy…
batkaren

You have to have a soul in order to have a soulmate.
I don’t make the rules.
AsgardianRose

ladies, i hope you’re all getting your summer body ready!
Now is the perfect time to shed your unwanted flesh and slither into your new human host, allowing 1 to 2 months for their fragile skin to better fit with ease over your hidden monster form.
_ElizabethMay

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

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