The Art of Darkness

Black Tape for a Blue Link Dump

March 22nd, 2019 by Cobwebs

Rabbits vs. Hares – The response reads almost like poetry.

Tolkien Trailer – Trailer for an upcoming biopic about the author’s formative years.

Gracula Garlic Twist Crusher – I try to avoid what Alton Brown calls “unitaskers,” but I might make an exception for this garlicky li’l vampire. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Sorrow-scopes – Novelty Twitter account which provides horoscopes like, “Leo: Buy some sage and smudge your bathroom. Some ghosts are absolutely watching you shower.”

Slingshot Spiders – This species of spider catches insects by twanging itself at them. (Hat tip to pdq)

Sada Abe – Interesting Twitter thread about a woman who was a, “geisha, sex worker, waitress, murderer, corpse mutilator, and necrophiliac.”

Pretty in Polymer – Polymer earrings for stretched lobes, including some gorgeous tentacles.

TL;DR Wikipedia – An entertaining Instagram account of “Wikipedia definitions.”

Craft As Thou Wilt – Wonderful tank top from Knitting is Metal.

Deep Dark Fears – This makes a good point.

Posted in Link Dump | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

March 19th, 2019 by Cobwebs

[to the tune of Alexander Hamilton]

Hwæt Hwæ-Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæt!

*violins*

How does a Geat-Wægmunding, Ecgtheow’s son,
fresh from Gotland, dropped in the middle of Heorot under Hrothgar,
star in a tale by a scop on a lyre,
& end up burning on a funeral pyre?

medievaliszt

more vampires should have obsessive weird hobbies
“I’m making a stop motion animated film out of bonsai trees, i’ve been at it since the 70s its 3 minutes long”

“i’ve been breeding parrots purely for intelligence, this is Arnaldo, he can do basic multiplication, he’s my 5th generation african grey”

like you got endless amount of time make weirrrd STUFF

JessiSheron

sir that’s my emotional support decaying portrait that portrays all my sins
classicalxena

My favourite knuckle tat idea is PLAN AHEA
Fenreliania

Dracula: *transforms into a bat*
Me: OMG flappy sky puppy come here there is a blanket and I’ve got the brushybrushy for you do you want the brushybrushy
Dracula:
Me:
Dracula:
Me:
Dracula: *tiny voice* yes
BahuWrites

Being a grandpa must be tough, some baby mispronounces a word and suddenly your name is “Peepo” for the last 30 years of your life
ItsDanSheehan

DM now stands for Dungeon MANAGING. You have no budget and they only promoted you to downsize one of the Truth and Lies door guards (“why do we need TWO,” upper management said). The creature that lies in deep waters wants to talk to you about his performance review.
AnaMardoll

[job interview]
willy wonka: what experience do you have hiding bodies
oompa loompa: i’m sorry i was told this was for a factory position
MattTheBrand

Embrace imposter syndrome.
Revel in the fact you have fooled everyone.
You are a Trickster Goddess.
You are the Imposter Child for Deception and Clever Ruses.
EliLizzieLizbet

Hades: babe what’s wrong?
Persephone, drunk, scratching two of cerberus’ heads, weeping: I don’t have enough hands
forever-painting-roses

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

Last of the Red Hot Link Dumps

March 15th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Taika Waititi to Write and Direct Time Bandits Series – This could be spectacular.

The Exploding Pope – This thread about the death of Pius XII is delightfully batshit.

A Specter Most Ominous – Wondermark tackles ghosts.

Disney DIY: Haunted Mansion Table Settings – A guide to re-creating the tableware in the Haunted Mansion ballroom scene. (via Shellhawk’s Nest)

Fairytale Curses – This thread makes a good point.

Absinthe Minded – A gift guide for absinthe lovers.

New Year, New Life, New House – “Gothic Martha Stewart” Trystan Bass shares photos of her amazing home makeover.

‘The Storyteller’ Reimagining In Works by Neil Gaiman, Jim Henson Co. & Fremantle – As B. Bolander so eloquently put it, “Holy shitsnacks.” I’ve written about the original Storyteller series; adding Gaiman to the mix should be amazing.

Coned Mythology – Kickstarter for enamel pins of mythical animals wearing cones of shame. The jackalope is especially delightful.

Hanna-Barbera’s ‘The Banana Splits’ to return as a horror movie – Hollywood has scraped through the bottom of the barrel and is currently digging to China.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Seen Online

March 12th, 2019 by Cobwebs

mother: *holding newborn for first time* awww look at you, you have my eyes.
Father: and my smile
Aragorn: you have my sword
Legolas: and you have my bow
Gimli: and my axe
Nurse: Can we get Security in here please, theyre back again.
eddytheaxe

While Anubis is weighing your heart, you give a quick squeeze to the squeaky toy you had buried with your body. His expression remains static, but you think you saw his tail wag, just a little bit.
TheDoorTHEDOOR

HOW CAN ONE BELIEVE IN ROMANTIC LOVE WHEN YOUR PARTNER NEVER ONCE GETS TO SEE YOUR WHOLE SKELETON
SICKOFWOLVES

Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine*
Obi-Wan: *turns into semi-helpful ghost*
ObsKenobs

NO MORE BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD UNTIL HE FINISHES HIS VEGETABLES
SissyNat

Every time I put my son down for a nap he wakes up evil and I’m starting to regret building his crib over this ancient burial ground.
daddydoubts

The hardest part about painting is getting the eyes right…the way they move, the WAY THEY GROW AND SPIRAL, THE THING THAT HUNGERS RISING WITHIN THEM, TWO DARK WELLS WITHIN WHICH A VOICE SINGS TO YOU A VOICE THAT IS HORRIFYINGLY FAMILIAR…
hottestsingles

so I says to Ernest Hemingway “funny thing; you mention the missus really likes one kind of baby shoes, and what happens? the whole damn family give you them for Christmas. Six pairs, what’s the use in that? You’re a writer, help us out with this eBay listing”
dsquareddigest

life hack: u dont have to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon
reallyreallyreallytrying

unpopular fantasy opinion: dragons shit gold. that’s why the lairs are filled with it etc, they don’t collect it they create it. Think about it – do you ever see dragons bringing sacks of gold home?

No, it’s whole cows. Then time passes, then there’s gold.

Not rocket science.

mykola
(Note: The ensuing comment thread is worth a read.)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Poetry Sunday

March 10th, 2019 by Cobwebs

The Two-Headed Calf

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this
freak of nature, they will wrap his body
in newspaper and carry him to the museum.

But tonight he is alive and in the north
field with his mother. It is a perfect
summer evening: the moon rising over
the orchard, the wind in the grass. And
as he stares into the sky, there are
twice as many stars as usual.

— Laura Gilpin
(Found via @ambernoelle)

Update: Adam Ellis illustrated the poem:

Two-Headed Calf

Posted in Whatever | 1 Comment »

A Link Dump’s Purpose

March 8th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Blowjobs in Fairyland – A long and scholarly Tumblr discussion over what counts as food.

More D&D Monster Facts – I’m gonna add these to my next campaign.

Paranormal/Folklore Discord – Discord channel for paranormal/folklore enthusiasts.

Elmo vs. The Count – A highly entertaining Twitter thread.

Recreations of Famous Paintings of Myths Using Only My Children’s Toys – “By a Woman With Small Children and a PhD in Classics”

Currency Converter: 1270–2017 – This site will convert “old money” into current value, but will also tell you how many horses, cattle, stones of wool, wheat, and skilled tradesman days you would get for the amount.

Bread Magic – An interesting feature of Hungarian folktales.

Liches are Nerds – I agree with Sam Sykes; we should write them that way.

Silent Night – Interesting “weird biology” post about barn owls.

Bones Are Like Love – I’d really like this image to be available on greeting cards.

Posted in Link Dump | No Comments »

Gahan Wilson Fundraiser

March 4th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Gahan WilsonInestimable cartoonist Gahan Wilson is currently fighting dementia and his wife, author Nancy Winters, passed away on March 2. She was his primary caregiver, and her son has set up a gofundme for Wilson’s memory care.

Help Gahan Wilson find his way

Posted in Whatever | 1 Comment »

Link Dumps Become Her

March 1st, 2019 by Cobwebs

CBS Orders a Frankenstein Drama Pilot – This sounds great, until the you reach the second sentence, which is, “Yes, he solves crimes,” and then you go, “Um.”

Bat in the Bookstore – A lovely thread by The MERL (of “absolute unit” fame). (Hat tip to approximately half the people I know online, all of whom sent this to me, because I know a lot of awesome people.)

What We Do in the Shadows Trailer – Official trailer for Season 1 of the series inspired by the mockumentary of the same name.

Cryptid Zodiac – I vote that we adopt these as official zodiacal signs immediately.

“Wrap-Around” Spiders – These adorable ‘piders camouflage themselves by wrapping tightly around tree branches. I want to wear one like a fur stole. (Hat tip to pdq)

Make Ink: A Forager’s Guide to Natural Inkmaking – Make your own ink from a variety of natural materials.

Mythical Backsides – Why have “Juicy” written across your butt when you can have “Ghoul” or “Harpy” instead?

How David Weber Orders a Pizza – This made me giggle.

Is The Nightmare Before Christmas Getting a Sequel? – I believe John Scalzi speaks for all of us when he said, “I swear to god if Disney does a flabby unnecessary “live action” bullshit version of this film I will BURN THE HAUNTED MANSION TO THE GROUND”

The Church of the Good Boy – This was written for a dog paladin in a D&D campaign. It’s good theology, Brent.

Posted in Link Dump | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

February 25th, 2019 by Cobwebs

acme was just mailing bombs and rockets and shit to a dog
wyatt_privilege

FIVE STAGES OF FRIENDSHIP
– liking each other’s tweets
– exchanging numbers in the DMs
– hot-air balloon races
– falling in love with the same man and accidentally killing each other in a duel
– haunting the woods together in your finest silk gowns
SketchesbyBoze

Dracula: do you hear them! the children of the ni…
Me, the familiar: we have the plumber coming at 7 to clean out that castle bathroom pipe that dumps into the sea & please pay him this time bc need I remind you we cant all turn into a bat and shit onto the side of the castle
griph

You never hear about a new ghost. “Oh yeah, this place is haunted since Jeff died last Tuesday.”
juliussharpe

[me as a realtor]
the crawl space is probably full of bones already but you can always add more bones yourself
roboticcrab

I would love to see a Poirot-style murder mystery that pivots into horror halfway through when it is revealed that the train is alive and murdering its own passengers
jephjacques

can’t wait til i’m a ghost and a dude with a tape recorder asks if there’s anything i’d like to communicate and i get to go “no thank you”
tarashoe

The thing I remember most about having a pet rock is how one day it just went crazy and attacked my best friend in the back of the head.
danguterman

PITCH: An anti-Mary Poppins story where a perfectly normal nanny teaches a family of impossibly powerful wizard children to stop being assholes
mizabitha

“If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. If you bite it and you die it’s poisonous. If you bite it and somebody else dies it’s voodoo. If you bite it and your head hurts it’s probably ice cream.”

I am very informative to live with.

Also: “If you bite it and nobody dies but you’re both into it… I dunno, you’re on your own.”

ShinraAlpha

Posted in Whatever | 1 Comment »

brb

February 15th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Hey, guys and ghouls –

This is just a note to let the half-dozen people who still read this silly blog that I haven’t vanished. I’m in the middle of moving web hosts and all of my databases are in a state of flux. Once things settle back down I’ll get back to posting. Promise!

(In the meantime, there are 12 years’ worth of archived posts. Knock yourselves out.)

Posted in Whatever | No Comments »

« Previous Entries