The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

June 15th, 2021 by Cobwebs

Gaze not into the abyss, lest you become recognized as an abyss domain expert, and they expect you keep gazing into the damn thing.
nickm_tor

Funny how if you have two beautiful blue eyes, that’s a good thing, but if you have twenty beautiful blue eyes, you’re “a monster,” “a space alien,” “probably the source of the telekinetic damage to the White House,” “killable, scientists speculate, only with an atomic bomb.”
sannewman

I’ve given it a lot of thought and my love language is that I will hold a grudge on your behalf until the end of time.
everywhereist

[creating catholicism]
priest: what should people say to start confession?
me: forgive me father, for I have sinned
priest: seems long
me: sorry I was bad, daddy
priest: ok no go back
Browtweaten

Today is a good day to wear your cloak and sword, travel to a ruined temple on the lost coast, and stop an incursion by Igleth, the Horned God of Destruction.
Or curl up and read a good book.
Either is fine.
EdmondsScanner

live your life in such a way that your heirs sort through your possessions whispering “what the fuck. what the FUCK. What in the SHIT.”
vandroidhelsing

Just heard a conspiracy theory that the Loch Ness Monster is actually the ghost of an ancient dinosaur, and since it affects nothing and nobody I’ve decided I believe it, as a treat for me
VibertKevin

I moved into a two family house and it turns out our upstairs neighbor is a beekeeper. There’s 20,000 bees in the backyard. She said they’re friendly and will learn my face and behavior pattern and not bother me. I do not want 20,000 bees knowing my face and behavior pattern.
LilJonson

Canonically, the Lord of the Rings is a memoir by hobbits, which has several detailed descriptions of meals throughout, so maybe the whole saga is just one of those recipe blogs where they have to tell you a whole epic story before getting to the food.
StorySlug

Unpopular opinion: the best thing young people can do early in their careers is say “please” to the Dread Pirate Roberts so that they may become his valet and eventually assume the title when he retires
SparkNotes

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Seen Online

April 27th, 2021 by Cobwebs

If i saw an unspeakably horrific lovecraftian entity with my own eyes I would simply comprehend its shape and not go crazy.
LicensedT0Ill

The goal of a woman’s life is *not* to be a wife and mother. It’s to dramatically gatecrash a christening party swathed in a raven-black cloak and cackle, “I TOO HAVE A GIFT FOR THE PRINCESS!”
Iconawrites

Okay but we all agree that SOME who wander are lost, right
ryanqnorth

Behind every successful man there’s a small ghost of a Victorian child
FeelingEuphoric

sex ed teacher: haahaha. wait. i’m sorry lmao. where did you say they came from, again?
athena: f-foreheads
MNateShyamalan

you know the fantasy trope of like the Sword That Makes You Evil. well that sword exists in real life too and it’s called a wrapping paper tube
ntagonistic

dang girl, you’ll make the prettiest flowers once your body rots into the earth.
m0rphlne

“The Raven” is my ideal poem and here’s why:
– Has an unreliable narrator
– Has a bird
– The bird is also unreliable
SparkNotes

police officer: there’s a dead body in your basement
schrödinger: [sighing] well there is now
kieransofar

“Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” It was me, I did it. It was in a big jar with “COOKIES” written on it. Why else would you have a COOKIE JAR? Oh I’m sorry were you fermenting those cookies
egoraptor

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

All the President’s Link Dumps

April 23rd, 2021 by Cobwebs

Guess who’s responsible for half these links again? If you guessed “Pixel Pixie” you’ve been paying attention.

The Deadlands – Kickstarter for a monthly speculative fiction magazine described as “a journal of endings and beginnings.”

Bats and Cats Afghan and Spooky Spider Afghan – Two cute crochet kits. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Bayeaux Tapestry Online – The Bayeaux Museum has a new feature which allows you to explore the entire tapestry online, with high-quality images.

Chris McKay to direct monster movie about Dracula’s buddy Renfield – Sure, why not. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

The Mothman Prank – This is the Platonic ideal of a prank: Nobody gets hurt, and it’s hilarious.

Would You Live in a Former Funeral Home? – Well…yeah. This Victorian mansion is gorgeous. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

You Are Capable of Writing Better Horror Stories – This is targeted at horror-themed video games, but it’s a very good look at how horror works in fiction.

Luna Tarot Deck – Kickstarter for a lovely moon-themed deck. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Good Bad & Undead – Jason Momoa and Peter Dinklage are in talks to play the last descendant of the Van Helsings (Dinklage) and a vampire who’s sworn off killing people (Momoa).

Escape from the Evil Garden – A Edward Gorey-themed board game. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

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All the Pretty Link Dumps

March 27th, 2021 by Cobwebs

Y’all should be profusely thanking Pixel Pixie because without her you wouldn’t have link dumps nearly so often.

The Waking Dead – Crochet pattern for a sleep mask that is certainly…eye-catching. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Amy’s Baggage – Etsy shop with horror movie and pop culture-themed lanyards, cosmetic bags, and similar items.

Creature Comfort – Kickstarter for a throw blanket with an awesome design. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Open House on Haunted Hill – Sweet little story about a house that aspires to be evil.

Elvira Auction – An auction of “Property from the Collection of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark” will be held on Halloween, 2021. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Sex Appeal Rankings for Supernatural Creatures – A thread of greatness.

Rob Zombie Set to Helm The Munsters Film for Universal – This could either be a lot of fun or Tim-Burton’s-Dark Shadows levels of bad. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

The Ghost Writer’s Antique Bookstore – Cute addition to the Lemax “Spooky Town” collection.

Neglected Murderesses – Norman Reedus is planning to develop the Gorey book into a series for AMC. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Cheshire Cat Tattoo – This black light tattoo is perfect.

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All the Small Link Dumps

March 5th, 2021 by Cobwebs

Gratitude to Pixel Pixie for once again supplying half of these links.

Campaigns and Companions – A delightful book of D&D illustrations featuring animals.

The Edible Museum – Anatomically accurate human hearts, brains, and fingers, plus toads and beetles and other delights, all made of chocolate. ((Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Trivial Pursuit: Horror Edition – This version of the game features questions about classic horror movies and books.

MacFizzet Hall – A lovingly-detailed Edward Gorey-themed dollhouse. ((Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Adopte ton Pouple – Etsy shop full of tentacular goodness. I especially love the octopus fishnet stockings.

Escape the Mütter – Virtual escape room inside the Mütter Museum. ((Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

We, the Girls Who Did Not Make It – A ghost story. CW for allusions to torture and rape.

SunSpots by Adria – Etsy shop featuring “strange and unusual” stained glass suncatchers. ((Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Statler the Bat – This 33-year-old fruit bat is living his best life.

Man Builds a Skeleton Guitar Made from the Remains of his Deceased Uncle – Although this is probably a hoax, the guitar is still super cool. A similar one made with a plastic skeleton would be a great prop. ((Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Posted in Link Dump | 2 Comments »

Seen Online

February 14th, 2021 by Cobwebs

Inside you are two wolves. In front of you is a very upset wolf pack
AbbieEvansXO

Dermatologists HATE Her! Meet The Woman Who Has Dedicated Her Life To Harassing As Many Dermatologists As Humanly Possible
SarahSaudaripam

i want to hear vampires argue about dracula. i want to hear one be like “he got handed everything with that stoker book. there are so many better vampires” and another one shake their head like “no way, dracula changed the game. you cant pretend he didnt”
hunktears

why is it called creepypasta and not fettuccine afraido
blainecapatch

Another wooden ball!!! Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?? I have like 12 already
mariana057

Man, how hot do you think Freud’s mom was?
RachelMComedy

[my funeral service]
my widow: he will surely be remembered for being such a terrible liar who faked his own death several times..aaand there he is at the back in the stupid big hat. i’d like to apologise to everyone here once again
mrjohndarby

So when other people wear a mask, stay inside a lot, and start giving singing lessons on the side, they’re “dealing with a global pandemic.” But when I, the Phantom of the Opera,
SparkNotes

*during a meeting*
Colleague 1: what animals make you think floaty and calming?
Colleague 2: Ooh, rabbits, little birds, butterflies…
Me: those spiders that make sails out of webbing so they can hang glide.
ShinraAlpha

Who dies surrounded by friends. Hey Mike come over I’m dying
harriweinreb

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Raiders of the Lost Link Dump

January 29th, 2021 by Cobwebs

(Special thanks to Pixel Pixie for supplying fully half of the links in this list.)

The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students. – This whole thread is delightful.

Ramses and the Pharaohs Gold – Egypt has approved a Pharaonic exhibition for five cities in the U.S. and Europe. Road trip! (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Ancient Baking – Seamus Blackley posts frequent Twitter threads about baking bread using ancient techniques and period-appropriate ingredients.

Haunted Mansion Snow Village – Department 56 has a lovely miniature house based on the Disneyland mansion as part of its Halloween collection. They also have a neat Addams Family collection. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Virtual Visits – List of museums, historic landmarks, and other places to visit online.

Memento Mori D20 – D20 dice made from real human bone. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Dog Sheet Ghost – This little wooden carving of a Very Good Dead Dog is just adorable.

How Lovecraft Pronounced Cthulhu – An interesting bit of linguistic sleuthing. Also, this is yet another thing that I’m going to blithely ignore Lovecraft about. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Crocheted Isopod – The cuddliest li’l wood louse you ever saw.

MacFizzet Hall – Amazing dollhouse based on works by Edward Gorey. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Posted in Link Dump | 2 Comments »

Seen Online

January 21st, 2021 by Cobwebs

Sometimes you’re the mad scientest, sometimes you’re the slightly irritated scienter.
KellyDMcC

A storm is approaching, and I’m about to do one of my favourite things: go out in the middle of the night and leave several fish on top of my neighbour’s car.
thewritertype

Arthur Conan Doyle: I have invented the greatest detective of all time
Agatha Christie: hold my tea
Doyle: … why does this tea taste funny
SketchesbyBoze

She had legs that just would not quit. We tried to force quit them via the Task Manager, but Windows was not responding.
AlexandraErin

I like going to the cemetery early in the morning because, if you’re calm and patient, the skeletons will approach and even eat right out of your hand.
dorsalstream

The Skarsgårds are goth Hemsworths
Kendragarden

When in doubt, let nature guide you.
Specifically, cactuses.
Stay hydrated.
Shelter owls.
Stab your predators.
CryptoNature

DoorDash but instead of food, spiders.
NightValeRadio

The sad irony is, if Jack Torrance had just written down what was happening to him, he would have written The Shining, a very successful book.
TNeenan

We’ve been through the wringer and it’s okay to feel emotionally compromised. Take time to pause. Relax. Breathe. Go outside, even in the cold, look at birds. Watch them flit. Listen to chirps and songs. Sing back. Sing their secret song. Let them in. Wow now you’re made of birds
ChuckWendig

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »

:::whew:::

January 20th, 2021 by Cobwebs



Credit

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It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Link Dumps

December 25th, 2020 by Cobwebs

Letters to Satan Claus – KBSpangler live-tweeted this completely bonkers send-up of Hallmark Christmas movies.

Bird Lamps – These lamps resembling ravens playing with lightbulbs are great. I believe that there are also mice and other creatures, but the website was apparently designed by a Yorkie on crack and I didn’t hang around to be sure.

Praying Mantis Crochet Pattern – Pattern for a surprisingly detailed mantis.

Rest in Pieces – An “oddity shop,” heavy on the animal bits. This shop was brought to my attention by the inimitable Pixel Pixie, who sent me a link to the buffalo scrotum. (When I asked what I was supposed to do with this information, the response was, “Get two. Make earrings.”)

Nick Cave Says No One Has Bought His Erotic Wallpaper – The fact that this headline doesn’t even break the top 100 weird headlines for the year says a lot about 2020.

Please link me to a SCARY/BATSHIT/WILD long-form article – This thread has some great recommendations.

Little Dragon Puppet – Video tutorial for a cute little dragon which sits on your hand.

Finding Fiends – Entertaining webtoon about a guy who does a YouTube show about cryptids and his roommate, The Mothman. There are additional entries on the artist’s Tumblr, like this one.

Yip Yips – Free crochet and knit patterns for the Yip Yip muppets.

Collector’s Item – Peter Lorre and Vincent Price did a pilot for a TV series about two crime-solving antique dealers. Part 2 | Part 3 (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

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