The Art of Darkness

Link Dumps Are Forever

April 26th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Cinema Palettes – Interesting Twitter account which pulls out the colors in various movie scenes. If you’ve ever wanted to base a color scheme on The Exorcist or Edward Scissorhands, now’s your chance.

Lovecraft Was the Bad Guy – It’s funny because it’s true.

The Oddment Emporium – Clear your calendar for several hours before falling down the rabbit hole that is this “Cornucopia of Eclectic Delights.”

The VelociPastor – I’m happy to live in a world where a movie with this premise exists. (The tagline in the poster is perfect). Edit: The indefatigable Pixel Pixie points out that Voltaire is in this movie. That makes it even better.

Olde Vampires in College – They’d definitely fit in better there than in high school.

You drop a small piece of food on the floor… – Cute response to a writing prompt.

Incubus – William Shatner once starred in a horror movie done entirely in Esperanto. This sounds like an SNL sketch. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Neil Gaiman Reads Dr. Seuss – Gaiman read the entirety of Fox in Socks for charity.

Snail Tea Cosy – Knitting pattern for an adorably googly-eyed tea cozy.

Can You Pet the Dog? – If you want to know whether or not you can pet the dog in a video game, this Twitter account has the answer.

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The Link Dump of Sam McGee

April 19th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Cats & Catacombs – The team behind the wildly-successful Dungeons & Doggies D&D miniatures are offering a feline version.

6 Bricks Under – A Vienna funeral home has started offering custom mortuary-themed Lego sets and they are amazing. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Godmeat – An interestingly twisted dark fantasy short story.

Slytherin Aesthetic – Hogwarts House moodboards are wildly popular on Tumblr and Pinterest. I like this one mainly for the quote.

Victorian Styles of Humor – An interesting look at what Victorians thought was amusing.

Tattoo – Nicely creepy comic.

Scariest Urban Legends from Each State – I see that Virginia is still represented by Bunny Man Bridge. Sigh.

Noir Princesses – These illustrations of hardboiled Disney princesses are pitch-perfect.

Zombie Fly Fishing – A highly entertaining Twitter thread.

The Scare Floor – Optimizing the Scare Floor from Monsters, Inc.

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Seen Online

April 16th, 2019 by Cobwebs

The five people you meet in heaven will be, listen carefully…our sleeper agents. They have been waiting for this moment and will lead you to the weapon caches. We are only going to get one chance at this so let’s make sure they didn’t sacrifice all that sinning for nothing.

Watching Buffy at 12: Is Angel going to get his soul back???
Watching Buffy at 31: What kind of insurance does The Bronze have

everybody my age is getting married… send me an invitation and I will gladly liven up your boring wedding by standing outside and yelling “the Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your souls!”

Why are all movies about assassins about “elite assassins” and not ones who are just doing ok and sorta dreading their next assassin performance review?

in D&D a Wizard is a person who achieves ruinous power, creates abominations against gods and nature, ruins cities, lives and entire worlds, all through the power of reading
support your local library

Since it’s the Halloween season, I’ll give you a treat. Put your hand to your chest. Feel your heartbeat? That’s your ghost chipping away at its cell.

AND, so far, every ghost has eventually made it out.


TWO-FACE: aw man your face is fucked too. how do you cope with it?
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA: mostly writing operas
TWO-FACE: cool cool. I kill people
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA: oh yeah no so do I

ELEANOR RIGBY: why am I so lonely
ME: *pats her shoulder* maybe it’s cuz you keep your face in a jar

Not a fan when people give big news and they ask if you’re sitting down. Don’t try and mitigate my relationship with the floor, if I want to dramatically collapse, I’ll collapse, don’t force me into a squandered lean.

wife: honey did you see the new player piano I bought
me: *stops googling can ghosts play the piano* yes I did

Posted in Link Dump | 4 Comments »

The Link Dump Archipelago

April 12th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Turkey Joints – These candies look like bones with chocolate “marrow.” They’d be a fun addition to a Halloween party snack table.

Laws Broken in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – A team of legal experts discuss noted scofflaw Willy Wonka.

Game of Thrones Dinner Party – Fantastically themed dinner party idea.

How would you be described if you were a character in an epic fantasy novel? – The replies to this are wonderful.

Werewolf Transformation – What if they don’t always turn into big canines?

Black Plague Dollhouse – Complete with plague doctors and bubo-covered patients.

Ghosts on a Tree – I like this painting of a flock of ghosts by Franz Sedlacek. He did some other nicely creepy stuff too.

Shitpost Sampler – This site makes cross-stitch patterns out of random Tumblr posts and it is glorious. I’m gonna make this one.

World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship to launch in Finland – Sounds like Finland has its priorities straight.

Superheroes – A Twitter thread of greatness.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Full Fathom Five Thy Link Dump Lies

April 5th, 2019 by Cobwebs

A Winter’s Project – This handmade set of Gorey-inspired nesting dolls is adorable. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Songs to Drown Sailors To – A playlist.

Underwear Dates Well – “Fashion forensics” are helping to solve crimes.

The Thing About Ghost Stories – Sweet short story about a gentle haunting.

1 like = 1 little shop that wasn’t here yesterday, and what you bought there – A delightfully unsettling thread.

Chained: A Victorian Nightmare – If you’re going to be in New York, this “immersive” storytelling experience sounds intriguing.

Christian Dior, Fall 2005 – A wonderfully ghostly fashion collection.

Monsters Giving Press Conferences – These Japanese toys depicting kaiju giving press conferences to apologize for destroying cities are wonderful.

Always Take Care When Walking Alone – I love the idea behind this ‘toon.

Easter Bunny – “A parody of Living Dead Girl.” (Sent to me by Pixel Pixie, with the note “This is terrible. You should watch it.” Which is why PP and I are friends.)

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I Am Curious (Link Dump)

March 29th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Photographs – Trailer for a video game that sounds intriguing.

The God of Roadside Memorials – I love this illustration.

Fugglers – Ugly little plush toys. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Different – An excellent rejoinder to the fantasy “warrior woman” trope.

True Facts: The Bolas Spider – “What Nancy does with her butt rope is nobody’s business.”

Cemetery Gates Dress – This dress printed with a photo of a graveyard is quite striking.

Livics Taxidermy – Etsy shop selling (ethically sourced) taxidermy animals in unsettling tableaux. Lots of S&M rats.

Aliens – This isn’t really goth, but Nathan Pyle’s little alien ‘toons are delightful. (Here’s a semi-goth one.)

Souris Calle – Conceptual artist Sophie Calle commissioned a tribute album to mourn her beloved pet cat.

Creepy Book Cover DIY – Video tutorial for creating an “alien monster” sketchbook cover using polymer clay. (Hat tip to DeVries)

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Black Tape for a Blue Link Dump

March 22nd, 2019 by Cobwebs

Rabbits vs. Hares – The response reads almost like poetry.

Tolkien Trailer – Trailer for an upcoming biopic about the author’s formative years.

Gracula Garlic Twist Crusher – I try to avoid what Alton Brown calls “unitaskers,” but I might make an exception for this garlicky li’l vampire. (Hat tip to Pixel Pixie)

Sorrow-scopes – Novelty Twitter account which provides horoscopes like, “Leo: Buy some sage and smudge your bathroom. Some ghosts are absolutely watching you shower.”

Slingshot Spiders – This species of spider catches insects by twanging itself at them. (Hat tip to pdq)

Sada Abe – Interesting Twitter thread about a woman who was a, “geisha, sex worker, waitress, murderer, corpse mutilator, and necrophiliac.”

Pretty in Polymer – Polymer earrings for stretched lobes, including some gorgeous tentacles.

TL;DR Wikipedia – An entertaining Instagram account of “Wikipedia definitions.”

Craft As Thou Wilt – Wonderful tank top from Knitting is Metal.

Deep Dark Fears – This makes a good point.

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Seen Online

March 19th, 2019 by Cobwebs

[to the tune of Alexander Hamilton]

Hwæt Hwæ-Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæ-Hwæ Hwæt!


How does a Geat-Wægmunding, Ecgtheow’s son,
fresh from Gotland, dropped in the middle of Heorot under Hrothgar,
star in a tale by a scop on a lyre,
& end up burning on a funeral pyre?


more vampires should have obsessive weird hobbies
“I’m making a stop motion animated film out of bonsai trees, i’ve been at it since the 70s its 3 minutes long”

“i’ve been breeding parrots purely for intelligence, this is Arnaldo, he can do basic multiplication, he’s my 5th generation african grey”

like you got endless amount of time make weirrrd STUFF


sir that’s my emotional support decaying portrait that portrays all my sins

My favourite knuckle tat idea is PLAN AHEA

Dracula: *transforms into a bat*
Me: OMG flappy sky puppy come here there is a blanket and I’ve got the brushybrushy for you do you want the brushybrushy
Dracula: *tiny voice* yes

Being a grandpa must be tough, some baby mispronounces a word and suddenly your name is “Peepo” for the last 30 years of your life

DM now stands for Dungeon MANAGING. You have no budget and they only promoted you to downsize one of the Truth and Lies door guards (“why do we need TWO,” upper management said). The creature that lies in deep waters wants to talk to you about his performance review.

[job interview]
willy wonka: what experience do you have hiding bodies
oompa loompa: i’m sorry i was told this was for a factory position

Embrace imposter syndrome.
Revel in the fact you have fooled everyone.
You are a Trickster Goddess.
You are the Imposter Child for Deception and Clever Ruses.

Hades: babe what’s wrong?
Persephone, drunk, scratching two of cerberus’ heads, weeping: I don’t have enough hands

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

Last of the Red Hot Link Dumps

March 15th, 2019 by Cobwebs

Taika Waititi to Write and Direct Time Bandits Series – This could be spectacular.

The Exploding Pope – This thread about the death of Pius XII is delightfully batshit.

A Specter Most Ominous – Wondermark tackles ghosts.

Disney DIY: Haunted Mansion Table Settings – A guide to re-creating the tableware in the Haunted Mansion ballroom scene. (via Shellhawk’s Nest)

Fairytale Curses – This thread makes a good point.

Absinthe Minded – A gift guide for absinthe lovers.

New Year, New Life, New House – “Gothic Martha Stewart” Trystan Bass shares photos of her amazing home makeover.

‘The Storyteller’ Reimagining In Works by Neil Gaiman, Jim Henson Co. & Fremantle – As B. Bolander so eloquently put it, “Holy shitsnacks.” I’ve written about the original Storyteller series; adding Gaiman to the mix should be amazing.

Coned Mythology – Kickstarter for enamel pins of mythical animals wearing cones of shame. The jackalope is especially delightful.

Hanna-Barbera’s ‘The Banana Splits’ to return as a horror movie – Hollywood has scraped through the bottom of the barrel and is currently digging to China.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Seen Online

March 12th, 2019 by Cobwebs

mother: *holding newborn for first time* awww look at you, you have my eyes.
Father: and my smile
Aragorn: you have my sword
Legolas: and you have my bow
Gimli: and my axe
Nurse: Can we get Security in here please, theyre back again.

While Anubis is weighing your heart, you give a quick squeeze to the squeaky toy you had buried with your body. His expression remains static, but you think you saw his tail wag, just a little bit.


Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine*
Obi-Wan: *turns into semi-helpful ghost*


Every time I put my son down for a nap he wakes up evil and I’m starting to regret building his crib over this ancient burial ground.


so I says to Ernest Hemingway “funny thing; you mention the missus really likes one kind of baby shoes, and what happens? the whole damn family give you them for Christmas. Six pairs, what’s the use in that? You’re a writer, help us out with this eBay listing”

life hack: u dont have to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon

unpopular fantasy opinion: dragons shit gold. that’s why the lairs are filled with it etc, they don’t collect it they create it. Think about it – do you ever see dragons bringing sacks of gold home?

No, it’s whole cows. Then time passes, then there’s gold.

Not rocket science.

(Note: The ensuing comment thread is worth a read.)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

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