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Inside you are two wolves. In front of you is a very upset wolf pack
— AbbieEvansXO
Dermatologists HATE Her! Meet The Woman Who Has Dedicated Her Life To Harassing As Many Dermatologists As Humanly Possible
— SarahSaudaripam
i want to hear vampires argue about dracula. i want to hear one be like “he got handed everything with that stoker book. there are so many better vampires” and another one shake their head like “no way, dracula changed the game. you cant pretend he didnt”
— hunktears
why is it called creepypasta and not fettuccine afraido
— blainecapatch
Another wooden ball!!! Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?? I have like 12 already
— mariana057
Man, how hot do you think Freud’s mom was?
— RachelMComedy
[my funeral service]
my widow: he will surely be remembered for being such a terrible liar who faked his own death several times..aaand there he is at the back in the stupid big hat. i’d like to apologise to everyone here once again
— mrjohndarby
So when other people wear a mask, stay inside a lot, and start giving singing lessons on the side, they’re “dealing with a global pandemic.” But when I, the Phantom of the Opera,
— SparkNotes
*during a meeting*
Colleague 1: what animals make you think floaty and calming?
Colleague 2: Ooh, rabbits, little birds, butterflies…
Me: those spiders that make sails out of webbing so they can hang glide.
— ShinraAlpha
Who dies surrounded by friends. Hey Mike come over I’m dying
— harriweinreb
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