The Art of Darkness

A Hard Day’s Link Dump

September 4th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Alice in WonderSand – Astonishing sand-art animation of Alice in Wonderland.

Truffle Mummies – Recipe for pumpkin cheesecake truffles decorated to look like teensy mummy heads. These would be great as part of a Halloween party dessert spread.

Anty Gin – Gin infused with red wood ants. Yum!

Tale – Artist Kate Clark sculpts human faces on taxidermy animals. Her artist’s statement says, “They are obviously reconstructed yet they are not monstrous, they are approachable, natural, calm, innocent, dignified.” Uh, no; they are creepy as fuck.

Whiskey Skulls – Stainless steel skull-shaped drink chillers.

Doll Head Night Light – Tutorial for making a night light out of a doll head in case you want to scare the everliving crap out of overnight guests.

Count Chocula Beer – Colorado brewery Black Bottle has a limited-edition beer made with Count Chocula cereal. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. (via Shellhawk)

I Solemnly Swear – Free embroidery pattern and tutorial for a simple Marauder’s Map design.

Old Masters Buzzfeed – “23 Secrets a Man with a Quilted Sleeve Won’t Tell You” and other brilliant clickbaity headlines applied to classical paintings. (Possibly NSFW depending upon your boss’ tolerance for classical boobs.)

Black Cat Earring – Polymer clay earring which looks like a cat is in the process of tunneling through your earlobe. The seller has a wide variety of cat colors and themes.

Posted in Link Dump | 3 Comments »

Dollar-Store Grandfather Clock

September 3rd, 2015 by Cobwebs

Clock FrontHoly wow, you guys. Would you ever guess that this grandfather clock is made from cardboard and glued-on props from the Dollar Store?

theundeadofnight shared this project on Halloween Forum, along with a few photos of the build. There are more detailed instructions on his website, but it’s all done in Flash so I can’t link directly. It’s an almost startlingly easy build: The clock case is made from cardboard boxes, the skulls and bat are cut from a styrofoam tombstone, and the clock face is just a cheap plastic wall clock (attached with velcro so the batteries can be changed).

This would be a great prop for a Halloween party, either simply for decoration or to block the entrance to an off-limits part of the house. If you used a cheap single-door cabinet for the tall part of the case (which probably has an official name but I don’t know it; let’s go with Pendulum Containment Unit), you could use the interior space: Stick a bucket with dry ice inside so ominous fog emerges from the cracks, or put in a motion sensor that screams at anyone nosy enough to open the door. You could even keep it up year-’round and use it for storage.

It’s a great-looking prop that doesn’t require a lot of specialized skills to build, so it’s perfect for the amateur home haunter.

Posted in Doom It Yourself | 1 Comment »

Seen Online

September 2nd, 2015 by Cobwebs

Muchacha is my favorite Spanish word that sounds like cows dancing.

Lighten the mood at funerals by handing a wooden stake to the person next to you and whispering, “He was a vampire. You know what to do.”

All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?

I feel quite sinister when I buy a houseplant. “Welcome to my home. I will kill you. It’s just a matter of when”.

Water Polo is one shark away from being the most entertaining sport around

Bug in iPhone5 – predictive text controlled by the soul of the Chinese worker who committed suicide making it. How very help me I’m in hell.

Every poodle is fairly positive that it’s Marie Antoinette

Cool Curse Idea: Every time your enemy talks, a bunch of jelly beans fall out of his mouth.

I just spent a lot of time thinking about a Weird Science reboot where Gabourey Sidibe and Rebel Wilson accidentally create Channing Tatum



can’t you imagine it though?

ginny’s going through a questioning phase and her older brothers keep making sex jokes so she writes in her diary “what’s a clitoris?” and tom’s on the other side like “i am a dark lord but i have a duty to this poor girl”

are you trying to insinuate that Voldemort gave Ginny Weasley the sex talk

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 1 Comment »

Trivia Tuesday

September 1st, 2015 by Cobwebs

  1. In this 1988 dark comedy, high-school student Veronica Sawyer is pitted against a dominant clique of girls who all share the same first name.
  2. Sam Raimi has often cast his pal Bruce Campbell in his projects, including this little-known adventure/comedy TV series about an American spy working against Napoleon’s attempts to colonize the South Pacific.
    A) Tales of the Gold Monkey
    B) Jack of All Trades
    C) Tour of Duty
    D) Baker’s Dozen
    E) Code Name: Foxfire
  3. Beetlejuice ends with Lydia dancing in midair to Harry Belafonte’s “Jump in the Line.” According to the song, when Senora dances Calypso, what is the tempo?
  4. The horror comedy John Dies at the End revolves around the use of a drug which gives the user non-linear perception of time and the ability to perceive alternate dimensions. What is the name of this drug?
    A) White Chrism
    B) Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake
    C) ThreeEye
    D) Blue Nine
    E) Soy Sauce
  5. The “found footage” film What We Do in the Shadows follows the daily trials of a group of vampires sharing a flat in Wellington. One of the writers/directors/stars of the film is Jemaine Clement, who is also half of what musical-comedy duo?
  6. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon is a “mockumentary” horror/black comedy in which a journalist and her film team document the preparations of a local man who aspires to be the next legendary slasher villain. It features cameos by several veteran horror actors. Which of these actors does NOT make an apperance?
    A) Zelda Rubinstein
    B) Kane Hodder
    C) Scott Wilson
    D) Linda Blair
    E) Robert Englund
  7. In Zombieland, when the band of survivors reach Hollywood they hole up in the mansion of this famous actor, who likes to dress up as a zombie so he can venture out undetected and play golf.
  8. The Dracula spoof Love at First Bite starred George Hamilton as an unusually tan vampire, Susan Saint James as his love interest, and this actor as Renfield.
    A) Arte Johnson
    B) Richard Benjamin
    C) Dick Shawn
    D) Sherman Hemsley
    E) Henry Gibson
  9. Simon Pegg refers to Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End as the “Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy,” due to Cornetto ice cream references in all three films. The Cornetto in Hot Fuzz is blue and The World’s End is green. What color (or “colour,” if you prefer) is the one in Shaun of the Dead?
  10. In Young Frankenstein, the escaped monster encounters a blind hermit (a riff on a scene from the original Bride of Frankenstein) who is delighted to find a friend. What is the hermit’s name?
    A) Marvin
    B) Tim
    C) Harold
    D) Elmer
    E) Donald

(Answers below the fold)

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Trivia | 3 Comments »


August 31st, 2015 by Cobwebs

“A young girl witnesses the murder of her family by a mysterious killer. Now she must try to survive before the killer finds her.”

This award-winning horror short film is the product of a successful Kickstarter.

Posted in Whatever | No Comments »

The Link Dump of Hill House

August 28th, 2015 by Cobwebs

The Best Pumpkin Beers – Thrillist has a review of 21 pumpkin beers.

Dead 7 – It somehow escaped my notice that the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC were teaming up to make a wild west zombie movie. Huh. (via WitchArachne)

Nightfall Miniatures – Etsy shop specializing in BDSM dollhouse furniture. Where else are you going to find itty-bitty butt plugs?

Black Harry Potter Characters – “There’s an unspoken rule in literature: Characters are white unless explicitly described otherwise.” This has some great artwork that shows that shouldn’t be the case.

Shark Blanket – Pattern for a crocheted blanket that makes the wearer look like they’re being devoured by a shark.

Centaur – This made me guffaw.

Japanese Statues Made with Dead Bugs – Amazingly intricate statues covered with preserved beetles.

The Pogues Whiskey – Venerable punk band The Pogues is launching its own Irish whiskey label. I believe its best use would be in the Fairytale of New York cocktail.

Delta of Venus – NSFW! (Really; even the intro page is NSFW.) Site devoted to vintage erotica, from Victorian lesbian porn to 50s pinups.

Cecilia’s Sugar Art – Etsy shop featuring amazingly lifelike sugar-sculpture tarantulas, spring hammock spiders, and other creatures. The artist also sells polymer clay versions of some items.

Posted in Link Dump | 2 Comments »

Halloween Advent Calendar

August 27th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Halloween Advent CalendarThis is such a neat idea, and the execution is gorgeous. It’s a customized advent calendar by aptly-named Etsy shop Halloween Advent House: Each window and door opens to reveal a different spooky drawing, and the whole thing lights up at night (there are additional photos on Etsy). The house includes a plexiglass “sky” featuring a full moon and a custom message. It is a work of art.

The single sticking point is that it’s $1795US, which puts it beyond the budget of many a Halloween addict. Darn it, it’s always something.

If you’re feeling ambitious, it might be possible to DIY something similar using a wooden dollhouse kit; it’d still be fairly expensive–suitably large kits run close to $200–but the cost would be a little easier to bear and you could decorate it however you fancied.

There are dozens of kits available; some that aren’t outrageously expensive and seem to have a sufficient number of windows/doors include Greenleaf’s Beacon Hill and Pierce models, Real Good Toys’ Bostonian and Newport, Superior’s Queen Anne, and (my favorite) Laser Design’s Leon Gothic.

Since the dollhouses have more depth, you could put actual miniature monsters behind the doors and windows rather than artwork (or print designs of your choice on thin acetate and glue them in place). There are plenty of Halloween-themed miniature decorations for dollhouses, so once you’re finished with the interior you could expand your house’s grounds with a family graveyard and spooky trees. (Now that I think about it, an advent graveyard would be kind of cute too; assign a number to each tombstone and open a different grave each day.)

It’s certainly an elaborate project, but it would be a fun family activity to build your own haunted dollhouse and then use it every October to count down the days to Halloween.

(via Spooky Moon)

Posted in Paint It Black | 2 Comments »

Singing Pumpkins

August 26th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Singing PumpkinsI recently ran across a HauntForum post about The Singing Pumpkin, which sells animations that can be projected on uncarved pumpkins to make them appear to be singing Jack-o’-lanterns. It’s a neat idea, but since all they’re selling is the animation (they don’t license the song, so you have to supply that yourself), it made me wonder if there were any DIY versions out there.

Indeed there are! There’s a fantastic Instructable by David Andora which goes into detail about the materials and equipment you’ll need. Halloween Underworld also has some tips on setup and some specific information on connecting the projector.

Both of those tutorials use commercial animations by AtmosFEAR or Window Creeps, but if you’d rather do the animation yourself check out Karlfalcon’s video on DIY pumpkin animation; briefly, you film yourself in Jack-o’-lantern makeup and then do some video processing. There seems to be some free downloadable animations as well, like these at MP3li. (They may be ripped copies of commercial products, in which case, don’t pirate, kids!)

It’d be expensive to buy the projector and other equipment needed for this illusion, but if you’ve already got that stuff (or have been looking for an excuse to buy it) this would be a really arresting addition to a Halloween yard display.

Posted in Needful Things | 2 Comments »

Bad Halloween Jokes

August 25th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Last week when I posted about the Halloween version of Christmas crackers, I mentioned the fact that the crackers traditionally include jokes. Several enthusiastic commenters replied that they couldn’t be just any jokes, they had to be really, really bad jokes. Intrepid commenter KJ asked, “There must be some great Halloween jokes to use. What are the chances of a cringe-worthy Halloween joke post?”

Ask and ye shall receive. (This oughta teach you not to ask.)

What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

Why can’t ghosts have babies?
All the boys have Hollow weenies.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.

Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

What do you call two spiders who just got married?

What kind of ghosts haunt chicken coops?

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch.

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Because they were trans-parents!

Which monster is the best dancer?
The boogey-man!

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss.

Why was the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call dead cows that come back to life?

What goes “Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!”
A monster laughing his head off

Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts

Got any others? Leave ’em in the comments!

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 4 Comments »


August 24th, 2015 by Cobwebs

In this lovely short animation, Death finds a newly-dead soul and takes him on a journey to see “many things.” The film has won numerous awards and was shortlisted for an Oscar. (Barely NSFW for cartoon nudity.)

(via Neatorama)

Posted in Whatever | 1 Comment »

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