So there I am, feasting on brains, and this dude calls me the z-word. And I’m like, “It’s un-dead American, asshole!” Yeesh.
— RexHuppke

Free idea: Get on the bus with a broom. Look at people, shrug, say “It broke down”. Sit down and act casual.
— debihope

My favorite part about having cramps is the complimentary killing spree.
— baileygenine

I learned 2 things about dealing with women today. But they won’t matter tomorrow when the rules change again.
— twistedpfister

I’m surprised a shop called Pet Stuff doesn’t offer taxidermy. With that name it’d just make sense. The same goes for Forever 21.
— tehawesome

I just saw some graffiti that read, “Satin Rules!”. Now, either it’s a cult that can’t spell, or DISCO IS BACK BABY!!
— thebenbrooks

Ice-dancers are what happens when you feed a ballerina after midnight.
— secretsquirrel

If that zombie didn’t want me to shoot him in the head, he wouldn’t have said “HUNNGH.” That’s, like, zombie for “shoot me in the head.”…@ChaosNexus It’s true. It’s like that “Eskimos have 47 words for snow” only with zombies and shooting them in the head.
— scalzi