The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but Hell’s patio is resurfaced with a nice textured concrete. Contractor did a great job.
— adamisacson

If homosexuality is a disease, I am calling in lesbian tomorrow.
— iMelbel

There’s nothing more spooky than a man pushing an empty stroller.
— AinsleyofAttack

Went with some girlfriends to the junk yard. Sadly it wasn’t what we were hoping for.
— blondediva11

Accidentally listened to a Justin Bieber song. Not sure if this is how the suicide note should begin or end.
— thedayhascome

Nonsequitaur. Half man, half horse, half grilled cheese sandwich.
— badbanana

Went through three cases of water. Pretty wasted right now.
— jesus

Imagine if I had an evil twin. Fine. Good twin. Whatever.
— iamnotdiddy