I am very interested to see the Voltron David Bowie and Tilda Swinton are the legs of.
— sween

I assume that if you use bath salts as bath salts you wind up with vagina dentata.
— AinsleyofAttack

Lavender oil to make me sleep, amber necklaces, homeopathics. I think mommy has replaced my pediatrician with a shaman.
— HonestToddler

I’d love a montage of hypochondriacs discovering their astrological sign is Cancer.
— kellyoxford

Few things are creepier than a childless man who knows how to braid hair.
— Schindizzle

Am I the only one who thinks that the sound an iPhone makes when it sends a message sounds like a ghost ejaculating?
— StevenAmiri

Jason Bateman origin story: On a field trip to a scientific lab as a teen, he was bitten by a radioactive Jason Bate.
— badbanana

If your name is Gunnar but you’re not into metal you’re basically f-ed.
— KenJennings

My wife bought a Venus Flytrap which I find puzzling considering we still have unresolved issues with the Earth flies.
— MrBigFists

The third Hobbit movie is mostly just Peter Jackson riding Smaug around his childhood and incinerating everyone who ever said no to him.
— dwineman