Cactus are the most antisocial plant, they grow in the middle of the desert and still like, “Don’t fucking come near me”. #Showerthoughts
Always a bridesmaid, never the voice that mysteriously bleeds from the corner of your bedroom wall.
Hodor and Groot on a date trying to order food
I fry all my mythological creatures in gargoyle.
Yeah yeah, I’m leaving.
me: [flashlight under chin] they say a witch cursed this house 100 years ago today!
[100 years ago]
witch: fuck this house
Hobbit cozy mysteries could actually be a thing.
LOBELIA GETS THE SACK
MURDER IN THE MATHOM-HOUSE
A SHORTCUT TO MUSHROOM POISONING
Archaeologists, 300 years from now, excavating my skeleton:
“what’s that thing that she’s holding?”
“That, I believe, is a grudge”
you find a mad libs book on the ground and find that it’s filled completely with proper, sensible words for the situation at hand. a small child in a perfectly tailored gray suit tugs on your shirt with ice-cold hands and politely asks for it back
why do i have to be asleep to eat spiders
Horror movies should include bloopers, so after watching the main film you’ll be able to sleep #Showerthoughts