If you have scissors for hands, you could probably just introduce yourself as Edward, and let people figure the rest out on their own
— GloriaFallon123

Just imagine if giraffe necks started out short and made the lightsaber-on sound when they extended them.
— dorsalstream

It’s only fanfic if it’s from the Fanfique region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling pornography.
— copperbadge

REMEMBER
If you encounter a goth in this hot weather DO NOT PICK THEM UP
Instead, put a couple of drops of patchouli oil in a teaspoon of water and leave a Bauhaus album next to them, and they should recover pretty quickly
— Brainmage

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half horse, half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
— MelindaHoward4

IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT EDGAR ALLAN POE?
WCW = wine cellar wednesday
ILU = I love unnamed (narrators)
TFW = the floorboards? well
IANAL = I am not annabel lee
LOL = lover of lenore
STFU = sadly, the fall (of) usher
OMW = (an) orangutan murdered (the) women
NVM = nevermore
— SparkNotes

women are heartily tired of generic compliments. tell your girl “you’ll make a fine crime-solving old lady” and “how many princes have you slain, Baba Yaga” and “time will make corpses of us all and I think that’s hot.”
— SketchesbyBoze

ME: So you see dead people?
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
— dorsalstream

i love coming home at the end of the day and untying the ribbon around my neck that holds my head on
— mmilhouse