The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

February 18th, 2020 by Cobwebs

Self care isn’t always chocolate & NetFlix. Sometimes, it’s getting out of bed & doing more difficult tasks like summoning a demon to help with the dishes or finding the right number of chicken bones to appease the thing that lives in the attic.
roxiqt

Look

I like to think if I was set upon by a world-class assassin, I would take the situation seriously

but if they made threatening eye contact with me as they licked some of my blood off their exotically curvy knife blade, I’d stop our duel dead to lecture them about tetanus

NotLikeFreddy

The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll
Browtweaten

airline gate attendant: I understand that your little boy is difficult and hard to keep track of, but no, airline policy strictly forbids checking children in the cargo hold. you’ll have to-

members of the band Kansas: <deep breath>

cavaticat

Demon: (appears)
Cleric: This … isn’t a good time.
Demon:
Entire Congregation:
Demon: Yeah, no, I can see that.
Cleric: Is there … did you leave something at my place last night?
Demon: Fuck’s sake, at least PRETEND to banish me.
Cleric: Oh. Oh yeah! SHOO, NAUGHTY ONE!
boomer_kid

Concept: one of those “ooh, we messed with this creepy old religious site and now we’re all cursed” stories, except it’s set centuries in the future and the site in question is a derelict Church of Scientology building.

Honestly, I just want to see the obligatory wise mentor who explains how they’re all going to die in the second act say “rogue thetans” with a straight face.

prokopetz

Look, sometimes murders of crows will blacken the sky at your coming and ravening wolves are gonna follow in your wake, and you’re just gonna have to deal with that, and everybody else in the Costco is just gonna have to deal too
wodneswynn

me: *wailing dramatically in a long Victorian dress with a lit candelabra down one of the many dimly lit corridors of my gothic mansion at midnight*

my spouse: *turning on the hall light* we fucking talked about this

faeriesfang

Valentine’s Day is *not* the most romantic day of the year; the winter solstice is, because it gives you the most amount of time to spend with your vampire husband before the sun rises.
mageofsolitude

demonic possession is a decent trope but you know what’s even better? demonic cohabitation. just 2 people sharing the same body and both being the world’s worst roommate about it.

the demon sharing a body with me: *looking at my depression meal in horror* we… are NOT eating that
me: oh so you can eat the souls of the innocent but you’re too good for leftover spaghetti huh

*fights the demon living in my body over whose turn it is to answer the phone*

generalgrievousdatingsim

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