The Art of Darkness

Seen Online

April 20th, 2011 by Cobwebs

Just once I want to see “Soooo many animals harmed in the making of this movie. Like, SO many. An insane amount. Too many, probably.”

You have not seen true love until you have seen a grown man play Barbie with a little girl.

I’m certain if Bram Stoker knew Dracula would eventually lead to Twilight he would’ve slit his own wrists with a bat wing.

I work at a reverse suicide hotline. We cold call people who should seriously consider killing themselves, like Mel Gibson, for example.

My mom just sent me four chain emails and an inspirational quote. I responded with eight links to nursing homes. Waiting for her response.

Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.

There should be only one World’s Greatest Dad shirt. And you should have to kill the previous owner to wear it.

Disney should do a movie about a princess that talks to woodland creatures and they convince her to go to grad school.

Little kids need to be taught that the 5th time they ask the same question, their grandpa will be eaten by a robot wolf.

My son’s homework consists of writing sentences using vocabulary words. I convinced him to use “puts” in “It puts the lotion in the basket.” I expect a parent-teacher conference any day now.
— me, on Facebook*

*I wouldn’t usually consider myself worthy of inclusion on this list, but that status got a ridiculous number of positive comments. Which means that all of my friends are sick, sick people. (It also means o hai! I’m on Facebook. Come friend me.)

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 5 Comments »

5 Responses

  1. Cat Says:

    Strangely, your fb link didn’t work (it should have, it’s exactly the URL I ended up with), but I figured it out.

  2. Sally Says:

    Speaking of… have you heard the song Lotion by Greenskeepers? Youtube has an age advisory on the some of the best videos or I’d post a link.

  3. Jessica Says:

    I just added you on fb. You have no idea who I am, but I come visit this blog every day. :D

  4. xJane Says:

    OMGs, Sally, that is one of the best songs EVAR! (This version doesn’t have an age rating.)

    Also, Disney really really needs to make that movie. It owes it to generations of women.

  5. LimeyFish Says:

    Hi, Jenna,

    I, too, will ‘like’ your comment on Facebook if you accept my friend request. I’m the one who doesn’t usually try to friend folks he hasn’t actually met, but you’re groovy enough to make an exception. Plus you invited us. :)


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