On the other hand, a zombie apocalypse would do wonders to clean up my Facebook friend list.
— thedayhascome

Roses are red, violets are red, sugar is red, I think I bled on my violets and sugar.
— meganamram

I know “Bambi” was just a movie, but I haven’t seen Bambi’s mom in any other movies and I’m starting to get worried.
— sucittaM

Dear obituary writers…there is no way someone who is 90 years old can ‘die suddenly’.
— VerifiedDrunk

Natural science: rhinoceros is to triceratops as Creed is to Slayer.
— AinsleyofAttack

All of my horcruxes are cheese.
— Andy_Richter

“Hey look my phone has full signal and my car started up just fine!” – dialogue in a very short horror movie
— robfee

Twilight movies are like the girl version of watching the Superbowl. In that they can only be enjoyed when really drunk.
— The Bloggess

Every year Santa appears in a sincere pumpkin patch and confuses the hell out of a small boy holding a blanket.
— angrysantaelf

Last time I saw tiny tots with their eyes all aglow, i was in The Village of the Damned.
‎– JerryThomas (hat tip to xJane)