The Art of Darkness

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December 19th, 2012 by Cobwebs

When I go out, I always carry a note that says, “THIS WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT”, so the police will have something interesting to do if I die.
rolldiggity

Christmas toy idea: a Tickle Me Kristen Stewart Doll except when you tickle her she just stares.
prodigalsam

If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
GuyEndoreKaiser

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn’t the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they’re hatching a dastardly plan.
ChribHibble

If you want your waiter to be extra attentive, begin your order with “Well, considering this is my final meal…”
bridger_w

All underwear is edible if you’re willing to persevere.
mrnickharvey

It’s not a walk of shame if you do a victory lap of their house as you’re leaving.
Paxochka

If I was a capricious god, every time someone said they had to see a man about a horse, I would make them poop a tiny horse.
sween

James Bond Coca-Cola? Good idea! For as we all know, his catchphrase is “Coca-Cola: Shaken not-Oh for fuck’s sake it’s all over my tuxedo.”
MrMichaelSpicer

From now on, I’m only supporting celebrities I think would let me in their mansion during a zombie apocalypse.
lifeserial

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

3 Responses

  1. pensive Says:

    damn, those are really good ones today. especially the hand sanitizer. love a new and dark perspective on an everyday occurrence.

  2. Terri Says:

    I love GuyEndoreKaiser!

  3. xJane Says:

    I like alcohol hand sanitizer because finally, an acceptable use for napalm!

    Also, I recently heard the “take back the walk of shame” synonym of “stride of pride”, which I kind of heart. Especially when accompanied by a victory lap.

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