Death is Not an Option
It’s time for another round of Death is Not an Option! The rules, as always, are simple: Given the choice of a pair of people, you have to decide which one you’d rather sleep with; choosing death instead is not an option. This time it’s Disney Villains.
| The Magnificent Mustaches Matchup | ||
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| Captain Hook (Peter Pan) | vs. | Shan Yu (Mulan) |
| The Wicked Stepmother Matchup | ||
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| Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) | vs. | Lady Tremaine (Cinderella) |
| The Musclebound Bullies Matchup | ||
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| Brom Bones (The Legend of Sleepy Hollow) | vs. | Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) |
| The Evil Schemers Matchup | ||
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| Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty) | vs. | Mother Gothel (Tangled) |
| The Tall and Skinny Matchup | ||
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| Doctor Facilier (The Princess and the Frog) | vs. | Jafar (Aladdin) |
| The Pleasingly Plump Matchup | ||
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| Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland) | vs. | Ursula (The Little Mermaid) |
| The Scary Demonic Guys Matchup | ||
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| Chernabog (Fantasia) | vs. | Horned King (The Black Cauldron) |
| The Crazy Bitches Matchup | ||
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| Yzma (The Emperor’s New Groove) | vs. | Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmatians) |
| The Uncomfortably Anthropomorphic Animals Matchup | ||
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| Professor Ratigan (The Great Mouse Detective) | vs. | Prince John (Robin Hood) |
| The Madam/e Matchup | ||
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| Madam Mim (The Sword in the Stone) | vs. | Madame Medusa (The Rescuers) |
| The Death Should Really Be an Option Matchup | ||
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| Governor Ratcliffe (Pocahontas) | vs. | Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) |
Leave your choices in the comments. And remember…Death is not an option.
Posted in Funny Peculiar | 6 Comments »
January 16th, 2013 at 9:05 am
1. Shan Yu. He’s kind of good looking. And I like broad shoulders. Not that I’ve already thought about this or anything…
2. Evil Queen. (I’m just thinking about Charlize Theron, mkay?)
3. I’d take either if they had a beard. Um, Brom maybe?
4. Maleficent. I really like crows. Plus, I’m wondering if those are really horns or just an awesome headpiece.
5. I don’t do tall and thin. Flipping a coin on this one. Jafar it is.
6. Ursula.
7. Chernabog. Um, have you seen his arms? I mean, come on…
8. Yet again, not big on thin. Coin says Cruella.
9. Ratigan. Prince John reminds me of my brother. Blech.
10. Coin. Mim. Never speak of this again.
11. Ratcliffe. I’m like, 1/16th Native American. I think HE’D choose death. LOOPHOLE!
January 16th, 2013 at 11:16 am
So: this is awesome. Because if any of these match-ups are possible, it means I’m a cartoon character. So here we go!!
1. This one is hard—they’re both kind of awesome (and I do love me a good mustache), but I think I have to go with the good Captain on this one. I love a man not-in-uniform.
2. Evil Queen, definitely, but it’s possible that I’m influenced by her fleshy counterpart from Once Upon a Time.
3. Gaston wins because I know him. And you know it will involve mirrors, so there’s that.
4. Maleficent. I wanna know what she keeps under that crazy hat.
5. Jafar! His beard is so…twisted.
6. Ursula. Tentacle fantasy? Yes, please.
7. Chernabog because, as much as I loved the Black Cauldron, the Horned King looks a little too…boney. Which you’d think would be a good thing, but…it’s just not.
8. I would definitely play Who’s In My Chair with Yzma. Especially if it includes the package deal of this decade’s model of right hand man.
9. Prince John—because John the worst is better than I got there first.
10. Madam Mim! Just because I really liked her character. It’s kind of hard for me to think about her like that, though…
11. Frollo. Uncomfortably guilty Catholics gettin’ it on.
January 16th, 2013 at 1:44 pm
I’m just gonna point out that if I could get The Evil Queen and Maleficent in the same room I totally would.
And I’d get Cruella drunk enough that I could make off with her coat. Her bungling helpers could never defeat me to get it back.
Everything else is a coin flip, and I’m in a hurry. You pick for me. That’s just the kind of slut I am.
January 17th, 2013 at 6:23 pm
1) Hook: he’s a snappy dresser
2) The Evil Queen is evil, but she’s badass
3) Brom: while I prefer Gaston’s long hair, NO ONE tells me I shouldn’t read.
4) I haven’t seen Tangled, but nothing beats being able to turn into dragon, even if she eats me.
5) I haven’t seen TPatF either, but the Doc looks like he’s got style.
6) Ursula seems a little less bipolar.
7) Chernabog! Inspired by Bela Lugosi as Dracula, so I’m sold.
8) Cruella kills puppies, so Yzma it is.
9) Prof Ratigan is voiced by the incomparable Vincent Price, so that’s good enough for me.
10) Madam Mim looks far too much like an old family friend, so I choose Madame Medusa
11) Yes, death should be an option. Coin flip.
January 19th, 2013 at 10:39 pm
1. Hook, especially if I can close my eyes and imagine Jason Issac from the live action version.
2. Evil Queen. If I’m going gay, I’m going for the pretty one.
3. Brom Bones. He wasn’t as nasty as Gaston
4. Melificent. She’s just so deliciously evil
5. Doctor Facilier because he looks like Baron Semedi and I like Voodoo.
6. Ursula. See #2.
7. Chernabog. The antlers put me off
8. Cruella. Can’t really plead #2 on this one…they both kinda fugly. I just know Cruella better.
9. Prince John. He’d be easy to coerce into being the bottom.
10. Madame Medusa for the #2 win
11. Claude Frollo, ’cause I’ll take a skeezy Frenchman over snotty English any day.
Here they are, and let me be damned for my choices… ;-)
January 20th, 2013 at 1:28 am
xJane makes wonderful points, and I agree with almost all of them.
I do have a slight issue with Hook, though. He has a hook. That’s not sexy to me, that’s scary. Though StoneMaven’s suggestion is a good one too, so I guess I’m staying with Hook.
I actually prefer Mother Gothel to Maleficent, simply because I kept mentioning all through that movie that she was hot for an evil cartoon character.
Everything else xJane said was pretty much word-for-word what my brain was saying though.