I bet unscary monsters like to hang out at the back of marathons and imagine all the athletes are running from them.
— rolldiggity

“Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?” -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead
— bridger_w

When someone looks over my shoulder while I’m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, “HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME.”
— KevinFarzad

< jbms> (btw, I am rather new to this channel, but you have a rather, eh, unusual nickname)
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> i like it
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> i have a procedure i follow when i choose a new nickname for the internets
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> you know that scene in ‘the matrix’ when agent smith is interrogating neo and he says "and in your other life, you go by the hacker alias… neo…"
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> the purpose is, choose an alias where if you are ever in that situation, no straight laced agent can ever keep a game face while reading your ‘hacker alias’ aloud
— Seen on cmubash

Shoutout to nature for not giving wings to snakes.
— FUCKIPEDIA

“So how are you qualified to administer torture for the CIA?” “I raised 2 girls, & used to brush their hair.” “You’re hired!”
— daemonic3

Pretty psyched that I’d still have two wishes left after giving dogs the ability to roll their eyes.
— GuyEndoreKaiser

“Ugh.” *makes air quotes* “‘Brains’.” – hipster zombie
— sween

“Only one man can defeat the giant monster. Unfortunately, we’re not budgeted for his services.”–And like that my horror movie pitch fails.
— fmarciuliano

Googly eyes don’t taste good, but it’s worth it to get to eat an apple that has fear on its face.
— rolldiggity