The Art of Darkness

Death is Not an Option

April 10th, 2013 by Cobwebs

It’s time for another round of Death is Not an Option! The rules, as always, are simple: Given the choice of a pair of people, you have to decide which one you’d rather sleep with; choosing death instead is not an option. This time it’s vampires.

The Classic Spooksters Matchup
Classic - Lee   Classic - Price
Dracula – Christopher Lee vs. Dracula – Vincent Price

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer Matchup
Buffy - Angel   Buffy - Spike
Angel vs. Spike

The Barnabas Collins Matchup
Barnabas Collins - Frid   Barnabas Collins - Depp
Jonathan Frid vs. Johnny Depp

The Cuddly Matchup
Count Chocula   Count Von Count
Count Chocula vs. Count von Count

The True Blood Matchup
True Blood - Pam   True Blood - Jessica
Pam vs. Jessica

The Creepy Matchup
Nosferatu - Orlok   30 Days of Night - Marlow
Count Orlok (Nosferatu) vs. Marlow (30 Days of Night)

The Interview with the Vampire Matchup
Interview - Louis   Interview - Lestat
Louis vs. Lestat

The Lost Boys Matchup
Lost Boys - Michael   Lost Boys - David
Michael vs. David

The Smouldery (Male) Matchup
Bram Stoker's Dracula - Dracula   The Forsaken - Kit
Dracula (Bram Stoker’s Dracula) vs. Kit (The Forsaken)

The Smouldery (Female) Matchup
Dusk Till Dawn - Santanico   Underworld - Selene
Santánico Pandemónium (From Dusk ‘Til Dawn) vs. Selene (Underworld)

Leave your choices in the comments. And remember…Death is not an option.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 8 Comments »

8 Responses

  1. hng23 Says:


    That is all.

  2. Pixel Pixie Says:

    1) Lee vs Price: Hm. Both actors are abundantly talented, though I wouldn’t say that either is really my type. I’ll go with Price.

    2) Angel vs Spike: Meow, SPIKE! SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE!

    3) Frid vs Depp: Johnny Depp has certainly looked much better, but I don’t care. His Barnabus can drain me dry any day.

    4) Count Chocula vs Count Von Count: I love Muppets (and all things Henson, except Dark Crystal) probably a little more than I should, so Count von Count.

    5) Pam vs Jessica: Jessica, I guess.

    6) Count Orlok vs Marlow: Orlok, as I did not care for 30 Days of Night.

    7) Louis vs Lestat: I’m a sucker for long, dark hair. so Louis. Plus, this was the movie that made me realize Brad Pitt was more than a pretty face.

    8) Michael vs David: I wouldn’t mind gettin’ busy with either of them, though David certainly has a sexier voice.

    9) Dracula vs Kit: My non-sexual crush on Gary Oldman makes me pick Dracula.

    10) Santánico Pandemónium vs Selene: Meh. Santánico.

  3. Sisifo Says:

    1) Lee.
    2) Angel.
    3) It’s a toss-up. Depp I guess.
    4) Count Chocula. Because chocolate. (Have you seen The Count Censored on YouTube? Hilarious!)
    5) I love the red hair, but Pam. Every time.
    6) Marlow. I kind of like the eyes.
    7) Louis. Unf.
    8) Michael. Look at that bone structure…
    9) and 10) Can I say both? Really, I’d pick any of them. Hollywood is a beautiful thing.

  4. Burning Prairie Says:

    1. Lee
    2. Spike
    3.Jonathon Frid
    4. Count von Count (don’t judge me)
    6.Orlok, but only just
    7.Lestat, Louis is a whiner
    8.Michael, even though he’s a whiner
    9.Dracula, did you even have to ask
    10.Santanico, because Frida

  5. Rabbit-moon Says:

    SPIKE! ‘Nuff said!

    (Though I have to wonder where Bela Lugosi is?)

  6. WitchArachne Says:

    Hmm. As much as I love Vincent Price, I think the metal-singing, Nazi-killing, classically-trained actor is my best bet here.

    Hmm. Both of them grate on me sometimes, what with Angel’s overprotective don’t-ask-me-questions act and Spike’s I-actually-just-want-to-kill-everyone thing. I think Angel would annoy me more than the Billy Idol Show though, so we’ll go with Spike.

    Psssh. Johnny Depp. Duh.

    I love the count. He’s one of my favourite muppets, but the OCD-like counting would probably cause me to start killing people and then he’d start counting the bodies and it would just escalate from there. Count Chocula.

    I have no idea what either of these are like because I’ve never watched the show. I’ll go with Jessica because those are the fakest looking teeth I’ve seen on anyone over 8 and maybe she can take them out.

    Ugh *vomit*. I guess I’ll go with the 30 Days of Night option and just close my eyes.

    Louis. The worst he’d probably do is start crying. Lestat would just kill me at the point of climax or something.

    I’ve never actually seen this, largely because I keep forgetting about its existance every time I go to the video store. I’m going with Michael because even as a regular human Keifer Sutherland freaks me out.

    Dracula. Shit yeah, Gary Oldman.

    Satanica Pandemonium. Selene is obnoxious. Satanica has a snake. The choice is obvious.

  7. StoneMaven Says:

    #1. Sir Christopher Lee -vs- Vincent-MFing-Price?
    I call a tie and take ’em both! WooHoo! Creepy 3-way!

    2. Spike. I always called Angel “Pussyboy” because he seemed whiny. Spike was deliciously bad.

    3. Frid -vs- Depp? Really? I’m supposed to want to choose?

    4. Count Von Count

    5. Pam. I don’t watch True Blood, but she looks like the bigger b#tch, and when in doubt…

    6. Ewwww. OK, now I have to take the least icky. Nosferatu.

    7. Can I choose Nosferatu again? Ugh. Never cared for either actor. Pitt if I must, but I’d rather do Christopher Lee, again.

    8. I had the biggest crush on Kiefer Southerland after I saw this movie back in the day. God I’m old.

    9. Gary Oldman, no contest.

    10. Santánico Pandemónium. She’s just hotter.


  8. xJane Says:

    1. I’m going to go Vincent Price, but I’m not real familiar with either, so it’s kind of a toss up.

    2. In both cases, it has to be early-series Angel/Spike, because I would go with neither later on. Or maybe later on Angel. Both at once? Pretty please?

    3. Johnny Depp. Just saw this on a plane and I thought it was quite amusing. For a plane ride. I may or may not have been delirious with lack of sleep.

    4. I…I’m having sex with these things, right? Because that just strikes me as wrong on so very many levels. But as close as I am to Asperger, I’m going to go with the Count. (Actual conversation that occurred: “I just found out that I have three—three!!!—items of clothing that are pink! Who am?!” “…the Count?”

    5. Gods be good, there’s more than one version of that show? I don’t want to live on this planet any more. Jessica.

    6. I actually think Nosferatu is kind of cute. In a German sort of way. I’m sure that’s not what he was going for, though.

    7. LOL! Can we have one who isn’t trapped in the ’80s? (The 1980s, lest there be any doubt.) I guess Lestat.

    8. David. What do I know him from…?

    9. Haha, Gary Oldman.

    10. Selene.

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