The Art of Darkness

Death is Not an Option

April 23rd, 2014 by Cobwebs

It’s time for another round of Death is Not an Option! The rules, as always, are simple: Given the choice of a pair of people, you have to decide which one you’d rather sleep with; choosing death instead is not an option. This time it’s science fiction villains.

The Terminator Matchup
The Terminator   T-1000
800 Series (Terminator) vs. T-1000 (Terminator 2)

The Evil Businessman Matchup
Sellars   Zorg
Raymond Sellars (Robocop) vs. Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg (The Fifth Element)

The Femme Fatale (Really Really Fatale) Matchup
Sil   Space Girl
Sil (Species) vs. Space Girl (Lifeforce)

The Artificial Humans Matchup
The Gunslinger   Roy Batty
The Gunslinger (Westworld) vs. Roy Batty (Blade Runner)

The Whovian Matchup
Rassilon   The Master
Rassilon vs. The Master

The Khaaaaaaaan Matchup
Khan 1   Khan 2
Khan (Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan) vs. Khan (Star Trek Into Darkness)

The Wicked Women Matchup
Borg Queen   Cylon Six
The Borg Queen (Star Trek) vs. Number Six (Battlestar Galactica)

The Supervillain Matchup
Lex Luthor   Sylar
Lex Luthor (Smallville) vs. Sylar (Heroes)

The All Darth Matchup
Darth Vader   Darth Maul
Darth Vader (Star Wars 4-6) vs. Darth Maul (Star Wars 1)

The Scary Psychos Matchup
Alex DeLarge   Harkonnen
Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange) vs. Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen (Dune)

Leave your choices in the comments. And remember…Death is not an option.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 7 Comments »

7 Responses

  1. xJane Says:

    This is the first thing I have to say.

    Terminator: T-1000 but I’d really prefer Cameron.

    Zorg. So much Zorg. All the time Zorg.

    Not familiar with either, but I’m not going to kick them out of bed, nudge nudge wink wink.

    This is a tough one. I’m a big Yul Brenner fan but then Roy Batty is one of the most amazing replicants ever. Imma go with “both” on this one.

    Rassilon, but I could go either way.

    Benedict Khanberbatch.


    Lex Luthor but not because I like him but because I hate Zachary Quinto. He appears to have one emotion: sneer.

    Vader if I get James Earl Jones. Otherwise, Mr. Maul looks like he knows how to use his tongue.

    STING!! Also 900% less chance of getting killed.

  2. Kaitlin Michelle Says:

    Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg
    Roy Batty
    The Master
    Benedict Cumberbatch (although I don’t actually like him, but the other guy looks gross. LOL)
    Lex Luther
    Darth Maul
    and Alex DeLarge
    This was surprisingly easy for me. Normally I have a hard time deciding between one or the other, but this one felt like a no brainer

  3. WitchArachne Says:

    5-1000 because I could be convinced that he’s attractive.
    Sellars. He’s pretty evil, but Zorg is use-a-weapon-to-melt-my-vagina-and-giggle evil, so I think Sellars is the safer option there.
    Have!’t seen either of those movies but while both are attractive the second option is downright hot, so I’m going with her.
    As difficult as it is to rule against Roy Batty I am physically incapable of saying no to Yul Brynner.
    Psht. The Master. Obvs.
    Bendydick Cumcumberpatch. His Khan was a babe. Total. Babe. Other Khan was scary and melty and old.
    Sexy six!
    Sylar, for the reason that xJane ruled against him.
    Darth Maul, because my first thought was exactly what xJane said about him.
    Having not read Dune since I was a kid, and never having seen it, I can’t remember who that guy is. I intensely dislike Alex deLarge, though, so I’m going with the Bowie/Spike wannabe.

  4. WitchArachne Says:

    Gah. T-1000. Silly iPad.

  5. Coyote Rose Says:


    1) T-1000. That was the film that convinced me villains could be attractive.

    2) Raymond Sellars, because Zorg is nucking futz and I probably wouldn’t survive the experience. Plus Michael Keaton was Batman. I ♥ me some Batsy.

    3) Being one of the few people alive who remember Lifeforce, I choose Space Girl. (And Sil is much more likely to kill me…)

    4) Roy Batty. I’m 5′ 10″; I need a tall guy.

    5) Not much of a Whovian, so going on appearance alone… The Master. Was that wrong? Will I live?

    6) OMFG Benedict take me! Take me now and let me have all your babies!!!!! *ahem*

    7) Yikes! Number Six. The Borg still give me the creeps.

    8) Lex, my darling, how I have missed you!

    9) Darth Maul, all the way. He was a fabulous baddie and cruelly wasted.

    10) Yikes again! But being a child of the *cough!* I’m gonna go with Harkonen aka my boy Sting.

  6. Kathy White Says:

    What Coyote Rose said. Times two.

  7. StoneMaven Says:

    T-1000. I developed a fascination for Robert Patrick from that movie, so that’s a no brainer.

    Zorg. Accept no substitute!

    Space Girl ’cause while I don’t swing that way, I prefer brunettes.

    Batty – Rutger Hauer for the win

    The Master. Never liked Dalton

    Ohhhhh. That’s a big ‘ole Kahn sammich please!

    Borg Queen because of the blond thing again

    Lex. Quinto doesn’t rev me at all

    Darth Maul

    Sting, because Malcolm McDowell comes across as a scary/crazy MF in interviews as himself, much less in character!

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