Just once I’d like to see someone coolly walking away from an explosion walk right into a spider web.
Everyone says they want a fairy tale wedding. But as soon as I show up and curse their baby I’m “out of line”.
It’s really a lack of imagination that makes children check under the bed. Like the monsters couldn’t be floating invisibly just above you?
Anyone else getting sick of their dad constantly bragging that the Zodiac Killer was never caught?
Actually I would love to try cauliflower but it looks like broccoli’s ghost and I don’t eat haunted foods.
I can’t believe there was ever a time when I didn’t understand why Charlie Bucket’s grandparents stayed in bed for twenty years.
I like how Dracula wore a bow tie. Didn’t need to. Did so anyway, even without the help of a mirror. That’s class.
They Found Her Earring In Your Car, Charlie Brown
I want the word pizza tattooed on my arm in Japanese, people will think its something deep & emotional but really it just says pizza
If my Ouija board keeps saying “ANYBODY WANT A PEANUT” is it Andre the Giant or just some asshole ghost doing Princess Bride quotes