The Art of Darkness

Best Gift/Worst Gift Ever

December 18th, 2013 by Cobwebs

The Bloggess recently shared the best and worst Christmas presents she had ever received, and encouraged her commenters to join in. I think this is a splendid idea and am certainly not too proud to steal from her. What are the best and worst gifts you’ve ever received (for Christmas or any other occasion)? Here are mine:

Best: My own copy of a particular Andre Norton book that I had checked out from the library about a zillion times. I was around 10, and instead of playing with toys I spent the afternoon re-re-reading my book.

Worst: Two are tied for this, both from my quasi-ex-mother-in-law: One was a toilet brush, which I am not convinced was unused. The other was a bizarre stuffed Shih Tzu that appeared to be less “toy” than “taxidermy.” I thought, “Huh,” stuck it in a box in a storage shed, and forgot all about it. A couple of years later I was in the process of moving out; I was alone, and by the time I got to the shed it was nearly dark. Nervously hurrying to finish and leave, I opened a mysterious musty box and discovered what I initially mistook to be a long hank of human hair, attached to something lumpy which was about the size of a human head. I nearly pissed myself thinking that I’d stumbled upon the remains of a murder. Then I realized it was that goddamn toy dog.

Now it’s your turn! Share your best/worst gifts in the comments.

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 3 Comments »

3 Responses

  1. xJane Says:

    Best: a trip to Mammoth to ski a few years ago from my DH.

    Worst: a piece of used luggage (from someone who in no way needed to be giving me anything other than a card). My step-step-grandmother-in-law gives notoriously bad gifts. One year everyone (including the 9 year old boy) got cardamom-flavored dental floss.

  2. Sally Says:

    Best: In college, one of the guys in my writing group got everyone presents. Mine was a copy of an X-Files novelization, which wouldn’t have been particularly memorable except for the Starburst wrapper tucked inside which gave a little story amounting to Corey stalking Gillian Anderson until she deigned to autograph the candy wrapper. Not remotely true, of course, but it was clever and memorable and it still makes me smile to this day.

    Worst: The thing that comes to mind is one year my mom got me a bunch of sweat pants and a sweat shirt. I never wore either at the time. The sweat shirt was white with a psychedelic “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” written on it. Yeah, like the Bobby McFerrin song. Yeah, my mom and I don’t have similar taste in _anything_.

  3. brwniiis Says:

    Best: Several sets of sparkly, black bras and panties which I wore for many years. (Fun side note, these were from my mom when I was about 16. She likes to do funny “From” messages on Christmas gifts, so these were from “Black Santa” lol!)

    Worst: Not a Christmas gift, but I have a friend who has done something to ruin my birthday every year for four years in a row. This year, she made me one of those Pinterest Pinata cakes, the kind you hollow out and put candy into. It was a surprise, I had no idea she was doing it, and we had no plans to get together at any specific time. Apparently she was very pleased with it the night before, but the moist cake had kind of fallen apart by the next day. When she gave it to me she said, “If you came to get it last night it would have been good, but you didn’t and now it’s ruined.”

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