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When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It’s just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
— ceejoyner
“DADDY DADDY there’s a monster under the bed!”
*jumps up*
WHICH BED?
“mine”
OH THANK GOD. You’re on your own kid. Here’s a knife. Good luck.
— EndhooS
If I was invisible, I’d find bad mimes and silently beat them to death. Just to give them one final, fantastic performance.
— rolldiggity
Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.
— MooseAllain
A graveyard full of blank gravestones and a can of permanent markers by the gate.
— NightValeRadio
Wait — did Venkman just HAPPEN to have 300ccs of Thorazine on him when he went on his date with Dana? What was he planning?
— pattonoswalt
Math problem. I have three apples and am traveling towards you at 17mph. It’s not really a problem, more of a warning. Apple time, bitches.
— vladchoc
Write the name of someone you hate on your body everyday in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they’ll become a suspect.
— markleggett
technically any building is a mausoleum if you die in it and they don’t find your body
— shutupmikeginn
12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?
Me: What’s wrong with the one we live in?
12yo: WHAT?!
Me: Goodnight, son.
— TheMichaelRock
Posted in Funny Peculiar | 2 Comments »
October 14th, 2014 at 3:46 pm
shutupmikeginn gave me pause. He’s absolutely right. I just need to find a really good hiding place where nobody will smell my rotting corpse in the Royal Ontario Museum. Then die.
October 21st, 2014 at 5:40 pm
Haha, Kathy, I had the same thought: “Sounds like a challenge to me!”
That first one, though. Hilarious for extremely white-European values of “clown”.