Technically he was created by Dr. Cookie, that’s why they call him The Cookie Monster.
— SamGrittner

“Mommy, I don’t wanna grow up and die!”
“Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really.”
— JennyPentland

Argghhh just found a spider in my bed, I vaguely remember going to that spider club but…oh god what did I do
— Fred_Delicious

May the gargoyle of happiness squat on your buttress.
— HousewifeOfHell

Throw a surprise party for a psychic and destroy his reputation.
— JasonBerlin

If you think Johnny Depp is sexy, you’re basically attracted to Snoopy’s brother Spike
— louisvirtel

“Um.” – 1st horse that got ridden
— rorynotroy

Fortune Cookie: YOU JUST BROKE MY HOUSE IN HALF AND NOW YOU’RE READING MY JOURNAL
— BeardSpice

Men like being chased too but not with an axe, apparently.
— WICKEDTRUTH01

1. Put on clown shoes.
2. Sit in toilet stall with feet pulled up.
3. Wait for someone to enter other stall.
4. Slowly lower feet to floor
— rolldiggity