I once murdered a man by pushing him into a comic book store and yelling, “He thinks Darth Vader would beat Batman.”
— JRehling

Bit of an oversell, “dragonflies.”
— jordan_stratton

“Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?” -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead
— bridger_w

If you go out for American food in Mexico does a grunge band come up and loudly play at your table?
— TheCatWhisprer

How did people first figure out that it was cicadas that make this noise? I could see that taking a long time.
Were there just like a thousand years where people were like “yeah, the trees are screaming. They do that in the summer.”
— curiosityconfusion

My doctor says that one day I will be able to eat baba ghanoush without singing “Baba ghanoush (snap snap)” to the Addams Family theme.
— KenJennings

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me ten times, congrats! You filled the punch-card! This shame is on the house!
— msgwenl

Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m the jerk.
— slackmistress

Books are just dead, tattooed trees.
— captainschmitty

Helena Bonham Carter eats eight spiders a day. Not in her sleep, just whenever.
— Bob_Janke