The Art of Darkness

Bad Halloween Jokes

August 25th, 2015 by Cobwebs

Last week when I posted about the Halloween version of Christmas crackers, I mentioned the fact that the crackers traditionally include jokes. Several enthusiastic commenters replied that they couldn’t be just any jokes, they had to be really, really bad jokes. Intrepid commenter KJ asked, “There must be some great Halloween jokes to use. What are the chances of a cringe-worthy Halloween joke post?”

Ask and ye shall receive. (This oughta teach you not to ask.)

What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
Spelling.

Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Nectarines

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

Why can’t ghosts have babies?
All the boys have Hollow weenies.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.

Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

What do you call two spiders who just got married?
Newlywebbed.

What kind of ghosts haunt chicken coops?
Poultry-geists.

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Wrap.

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch.

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Because they were trans-parents!

Which monster is the best dancer?
The boogey-man!

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss.

Why was the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.

What goes “Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!”
A monster laughing his head off

Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts

Got any others? Leave ’em in the comments!

Posted in Funny Peculiar | 4 Comments »

4 Responses

  1. Kathy White Says:

    The Zom-beef did me in…..

  2. Pixel Pixie Says:

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says “does this taste funny to you?”

  3. Bruno Says:

    “What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
    “Lots of blood tests!”

    Behold: a pretty decent plot for a supernatural horror BDSM romance novel.

  4. KJ Says:

    Thank you.

    Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
    He was in high spirits !

    What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
    A blood hound !

Leave a Reply